Who knows what happened.
Excuses happened. A bunch of them.
I posted last about the 16 pounds that I fought for. And then, I lost all momentum. It wasn’t even a slow decrease. It was just one day I woke up and ate the world. And did not stop.
The last however many weeks (more like MONTHS!) since that post has been a mind numbing, zombie feeling of just going through the motions. I have no idea what triggered it but I feel like I am eating myself to death and cannot stop myself.
The scale hasn’t really moved, I am not gaining weight, but that’s solely because I eat ridiculous and then attempt to over compensate. I know this is a horrible thing to do because it just makes it worse, it makes an binge imminent.
Every night I go to sleep with the same thoughts swirling in my head…
- I have to get control. This is my life.
- I want to be a good role model for Francisco.
- I need to be healthy for myself.
- I need to start my day with a workout; that will set a positive tone for the day.
- I need to focus my eating tomorrow on healthy foods that are beneficial, not crap food.
I know I’m doing this to myself, I only have myself to blame. I have to stop.
I feel like there are all these sirens going off and yet I’m just stuck in a corner. Frozen. Paralyzed. Powerless.