Truth time. I am lost.
I’m gaining weight at a ridiculous speed, turning to food to get me through the day. It is like my brain is reverting to only two coping mechanisms – sleep and food. Given that my sleep is limited by work and family I am turning to food.
None of my self-talk is good. I recognize it is bad and unhealthy and instead being kinder to myself my brain say, “Great, another way you are messing everything up”
I went to a new/old place to consider therapy around food, depression, binge eating etc. The nice thing is that they think they can help me, but the bad thing is it is still a few more weeks until I get seen for actual help. They’ll be able to handle my psychiatry stuff too which means I don’t have to go back to Mr. Mean Psych who berates me on the phone. I took that step, but that is about I’ll I can manage.
I haven’t being to weigh in, I cannot face what I know is the truth – my weight is nutty. But the truth is I feel it in the way my clothes fit, and the way my body feels.
I have enough presence of mind to know this period is not normal and I need to work actively to get better, but it takes so much energy just to get out of bed and do the things that need doing for work, for the family, for the bills etc.
So if you wonder where I am, this is where.
Is it nap time yet?