There is the “tried-and-true” stereotype of weight-lose bloggers that if you disappear, you must be gaining weight. Though my posting has been sparse and my words rare here, my weight not been on the rise. It has been maintained and slowly, SLOWLY, falling. There are positive things being done and everyday I work hard for my goals and I set and make new ones.
I am not going gang-busters like I once was. I wish I were, but I can’t right now. Part of me can’t because my life isn’t as flexible to allow for it. Part of me can’t because I need to avoid triggering binge-eating and deprivation mindsets. I need to avoid foods actively that cause triggers, without avoiding them purposefully. If that sounds like a catch-22 it is because in many ways it is exactly that, and for most therapists and dietitians it means that you, aka ME the patient, need to figure out what it looks like and how I can find a balance of wellness and health. Because wellness and health are not the same thing when it comes to food and weight for me.
For ME, health is about the numbers. And my numbers, with the exception of that pesky relationship to gravity, have really rarely been better. My cholesterol, glucose, thyroid, and others are all on the really good end of normal. My blood pressure, while still medicated, is averaging 112/70 and not a medicated 140/90 (which it was as little as 3 years ago).
Wellness is more complicated. It is about keeping my depression and anxiety at manageable levels. It is about balance in my life, keeping stress low, getting enough sleep, having time with my family and friends, moving my body, food that is energizing and delicious, etc. Sometimes I do this well, other times I am struggling with one or more of these things, and if one part gets off base it is harder to keep the other parts on track too.
Today I wore a dress in public that made me feel like I was a stuffed sausage just a few months ago. Though it is still a dress that likes to hug the body, there are enough inches and slimming that I have done that I no longer feel that I am an eyesore in it. To my surprise, I got a ton of compliments on it at church today. I mean a TON. I never get compliments on my clothes. It is a small thing, but a factor of the small changes and the slow progress I have been making.
Though I haven’t been here as much as I’d like I am out there fighting the fight and there is progress to be seen. Sometimes a disappearing blogger is a function of kids, work, and a schedule that has her running too much to find the words to share or a life that feels too dull or repetitive to share.
If you are here to read that’s great. If you’ve left I hope you’ve found a blogger to connect with. There are great ones out there. Ultimately my writing is a way to help process my own journey and I will continue to use this space to help me along the way whenever I can. You are welcome alone if you’d like to join me.