I have been still struggling but in the last two days have made some important changes toward getting back in the game. I wish I had realized earlier that this wasn’t quite a “I want to eat bad food” type mistake but that it had a more serious trigger. I think my sleep deprivation made it that much harder to realize how far I was sliding with depression symptoms (are you tired? yeah duh!) Once I was able to put some of my struggles and symptoms together I was able to get a better plan in place.
So I am going to try to keep this on the positive side of what I am doing. Because it is better for me to focus on the things I am doing, rather than the struggles I am still having.
1. I called my psychiatrist yesterday. I got a prescription for a light box and talked about increasing/adding a med. I am going to try the box first. I still need to get it, I am pretty sure insurance won’t cover it since I don’t have SAD documented for three consecutive winters. In which case I will have to find something cheaper than the $350 one he recommends. He did say that so long as it is 10,000 lux it is ok. I will do more research on that tomorrow. (My psych was also kind of rude about the whole thing and I may be looking for a new one, but that is another story).
2. I got back to tracking, both my water and my food choices. I have put together some healthy options at work for snacks and made good choices today especially. I turned down a free muffin and bagel!
3. I got moving. I played tag with the kids at my church program tonight. I parked farther away during my errands, which I ran at lunch hour to maximize my sunshine time today as well.
4. I went to weigh in and listened and participated. I didn’t sulk, but I did face facts. These were this week’s facts:
84.6 lost on WW to date
Not good of course, but I faced the music and I own my mistakes. I feel like I should have caught on that things were inordinately hard before I did, but sometimes things seem obvious to everyone except the one living it.
5. I participated in #wwchat tonight and got some support and motivation from fellow online friends who follow Weight Watchers. It was good to have their inspiration and support. It was also good to think about the goals I have and how far I have come in the last year.
There is some power and control that comes from being able to name the problem again. And the fact that the sun was out today helped too I am sure. I will need to dig in to turn the ship around and to attend to my mental and physical health over the next days and weeks especially. We are still a long way from a lot of light during the days.
It might seems strange that a week with a gain can be hopeful, but I am more hopeful today than I was earlier this week or last week. Naming something takes away some of its power. Ultimately I am in control, even when my head tries to tell me otherwise. I am going to take charge of all I can right now and work on getting my head clearer.
Thank you for all the comments and support so far. It is good to know that I am not alone.