Weigh In Week 40

There is some amazing conversation and insight in the comments of yesterday’s post on 80/20.  Check it out and join the conversation if you can.

I am going to keep this short and sweet as it is 11pm and the first time I’ve had to write this all day.  Not to mention I still need to do my PT exercises and pump before bed.  (assuming E2 stays asleep, but we did ok last night so I am hoping she will be kind to me).

As expected, I had a gain this week – an medium gain for a medium slip up.  I didn’t lose control but I did go over my points and knew it so I knew what to expect.  The damage:

+2.2 Pounds

-82.2 lbs lost on WW to date

I am glad that is wasn’t more and proud that I still kept things sort of reined in even as I made some not great choices.  My bad now is not as bad as my bad has been.

My weight watchers meeting was good this morning.  My leader, Liz, said something really insightful that I had to Instagram immediately.

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It was a good reminder to me to keep my ultimate goals as the more important priorities.  Ultimately my slip ups this week stemmed from me failing to plan ahead and having trouble with portion control, but it is important that not ever craving and desire should be followed.

In the end it was not a bad week really.  I don’t feel like beating myself up over it, nor do I feel trapped in a sugar spiral.  I made great choices today and ended up using exactly my daily points while even earning a few activity points as my knee gets stronger.

The one thing that comes from being on week 40 is perspective.  I know that I can bounce back from gains – I have had far worse ones than this.  I know I can lose.  I know I have the capacity to make tough choices.  In this knowledge is power.

It wasn’t a great week, but there are more weeks and better weigh ins in front of me.

80/20

I heard about the 80/20 rule sometime before I got pregnant with Edith, I think I heard it at Weight watchers, but I don’t really remember.  Though the original rule is an economic theory when applied to health it is that 80% of the time you should do the things you “ought” to do – eat balanced, healthy meals, workout, etc and that 20% of the time you can do the “fun” stuff (the other stuff is fun too but admittedly it sometimes feels like work).

This is a great rule for people on maintenance – it keeps you focused, but allows room for living life – going out with friends, birthday cake, drinks, etc.  However, I am coming to believe that this is a stumbling block for more people than it helps.  At least it is a stumbling block for me.  I am going into tomorrow’s weigh in with the strong probability of seeing a gain on the scale.  It is not unexpected – I ate my weekly points too early in the week and found myself in the hole after the race festivities this weekend.  Added to that some exhaustion from a baby who has had sleeping issues over the last several weeks, let’s just say I find myself in the red.

And it is what it is.  As someone said at my WW meeting last week, “My new bad is not as bad as my old bad.”  The splurging I did was not nearly so over-the-top as it would have been in the past and I find myself with the presence of mind to track it, own it and move on.  I am not thrilled with some of my eating this week, it is true, but I am confident in my ability to stay on track next week.

But the slip ups of the week were what got me thinking of the 80/20 rule.  I started thinking about it as I did mental gymnastics about whether to track my food or not.  (In fact I just paused in this post to track tonight’s dinner which put me a bit more in the hole, but I tracked it).   As I pondered this I wondered what not tracking for 20% of the time might look like – I could eat a LOT of chocolate in that time.  I could do a lot of damage.

Or if I took it by 20% of meals – you know I would be hanging out at buffets making the most of those meals and eating way more food than I wanted or needed.  I would because I “could.”  And in following the rule I would convince myself that I was still doing ok.

That is precisely the reason that 80/20 doesn’t work for me.  I cannot give myself free time as it were.  I can have treats still, but they need to be tracked and accounted for.  It forces me to accommodate for my treats.  It forces me to make hard choices – do I want an ice cream bar after dinner or a roll with my soup?  (yes, that is a hard choice).

In many ways I led an 80/20 sort of week – I had 5.5 really good days this week and 1.5 bad overeating days, but the overeating ones cause more damage than the 5.5 good days can compensate for.  Despite my efforts at the 80%, I will see a gain tomorrow because of the 20%.  It doesn’t work for me and I think I figured out why.

The most important things in my life are not 80/20 things – I don’t get to parent only 80% of the time, or get 20% time off of my marriage.  My health is just as critical.  Parenting is a promise to care for and love my children.  Marriage is a promise to care for and love my spouse.  My healthiness journey is a promise to care for and love myself.

So I have to be all in.

And even on weeks where I didn’t make good choices, I can know that I still tracked, I still fought for it, and that tomorrow is a new day to keep on trying.  For me I have to commit 100% or it doesn’t work.

Are you all in?

Restless Leg Syndrome

Mr. Goat ran a half marathon on Sunday down near his home town. Naturally the family and I headed down to cheer him on, complete with homemade signs.

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Isn’t he dreamy?
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I am so proud of him. He has come so far and I cannot wait to see what amazing things he’ll accomplish next. His chip time was 2:46:47 which was darn close to his 2:45 goal.

E1 jumped in to run him across the finish line.
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Here is a good portion of the Goat extended family.
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It was a fun weekend, but I was hyper aware of my injured status. We went to the expo to get his packet and I kept looking at races to do – except I can’t right now.

I was itching to lace up and run a bit with Mr. Goat, but I cannot even “chase” my kids without pain. I am hoping for too much too quickly I know, and I am seriously impressed by how far I’ve come in a few weeks.

But I feel left out. I was supposed to do a 5k this Sat, sponsored by Enell. I know I can’t. Even a 3 mile walk might set me back right now.

It is strange to go from a lump on a couch to a runner to an injured runner. In many ways I never stopped to consider myself a runner until I was injured.

I can still be athletic and want to get back to the pool and biking. Who knows, there may still be running for me.

I am over the moon proud of Mr. Goat for what he did this weekend, and watching him succeed made me realize how badly I want it.

But the knee is still an unknown variable and the only thing to do is my PT, cross train and wait and see.

Weigh In week 39

I just got back from urgent care, E2 has an ear infection.  As maladies go this is an easily treated one and I hope that starting meds tonight means that there will be a bit more sleep around the Goat household tonight.  (It has been brutal.)  The cat goes to the vet tomorrow for the mysterious lesion that is not cancer that keeps coming back.  E1 is off of school for MEA and all in all I am struggling to find time to do things.  However, I am still tracking, doing my PT and I snuck away to go to weight watcher today.

And there was good news on that front:

-1.2 Pounds

84.4 lbs lost on WW to date

Sometimes I feel sort of let down by a 1lb weight loss, as if that wasn’t enough, but the fact of the matter is that any movement in the right direction is a good one. The little choices add up.  I found a new quotation this week that really spoke to me.

 

IMG_3335.JPGIt really struck me that the choices I make today effect my future self – it will be a reflection of the present me.  I guess I always knew this but for some reason it struck me powerfully this week.  I am in control of my future self – at least when it comes to the healthy choices I can make today.  Weight loss is a tricky thing and lately I’ve had people express some awe that I am able to lose weight while being so busy – the fact of the matter is this:  I need to do this, I don’t look on it as optional.  It is as important to me as being a good parent, a good wife, a good employee.

Sometimes my life conflicts with the healthy lifestyle – especially when I don’t plan meals or carve workout time out in advance, but there are still good choices I can make.  I do eat out, I am intrinsically lazy and prefer to curl up with a book or a movie than move.  I am part cat.  Even down 80+ lbs I still have within me all the bad habits that got me to 350+ lbs.  The difference between then and now is that working on weight loss is a non-negotiable.

I am sure that the path of my weight loss will slow as I keep losing weight, that is going to be a struggle for me I know.  I like to see success, but I have to keep my goal in mind – a healthier me.  This does not have an end date, it is informed but not bound by numbers.  And until I am there I am not sure what it looks like fully, but that is the goal.

If I can answer the question: Am I healthier today than last week?  Then it is a good day.

I am far from perfect.  I make a ton of mistakes along the way, but I keep on fighting.  Do or do not, there is no try.  I choose to do.