Elle

If you think about it, PriorFatGirl is just another way of saying “girl.”

Regular girl.

Well, woman in this case, I suppose. My days of girlhood are gone, but there are still experiences to be had, and I’m finding they are every bit as challenging and confusing and altogether exciting as I’d hoped they might be. That’s the thing about being overweight; you have a lot of time to wonder about what it would be like if you weren’t.

I’ve been through my first real DTR (define-the-relationship) talk.

I’ve been rejected. And survived.

I’ve started to dream about one day having a family.

In some ways, I’m bolder; in some ways, more reserved.

I’ve learned how to spend more time thinking about others than I spend thinking about myself. (Do I look fat? Am I the fattest girl in the room? Are people watching what I eat? Do my rolls show when I sit down?) Self-obsessed thinking comes in many forms; none of them, I have come to discover, contribute to the development of a healthy personality.

Divorced from the restrictions naturally imposed by obesity, my interests have changed, and I’ve found a world burgeoning with pathways into uncharted territory I no longer feel afraid or unworthy to explore. There are a million possibilities out there, and the fear factor diminishes a little more with each passing day.

I’ve had conversations with countless individuals who have lost weight and continue to struggle with addiction to food, to the comfort of it, the texture, the taste. Sometimes simply the idea of it. When you go home, it’s waiting for you in the pantry or in brightly colored Tupperware on the refrigerator shelves, and lured by a longing for the familiar feeling and succor of a full belly, you yield one more time.

I don’t judge that—maybe I would have when I was in a harsher, more arrogant place, but I’ve been at this long enough now to know that it is only by grace (and certainly no amount of my own self control or ability to change) that my thoughts have been released from those same patterns of drifting always toward the time and content of my next meal. The magnitude of that victory hit me today, when the neon marquees of fast food restaurants passing in and out of my view didn’t cause distraction.

It was beautiful outside… 69 degrees and sunny with broken clouds staggered across a cobalt blue sky. It was the kind of day that required the window to be down, the radio to be up, and my arm to rest casually against the side of my car while a feisty breeze licked at my hair and neck and ears. And as I drove, the only thought I really had—the only thought I spent any time dwelling on—was of getting home and lacing up my running shoes.

How thankful I am to have moved into this phase. Where the minutes of my life aren’t idly passed by eating in solitude, but rather they are spent, given away to running trails that challenge my muscles, to dance floors in old buildings tucked into the historical streets of downtown Dallas, to new friends whom I would have never had the courage to approach before, to cooking classes at Central Market, and to volunteer work that pours richly back into my soul and opens yet even more doors to culture and relationships that I would have otherwise never discovered. My body no longer holds me back from all that the day has to offer, it is now my greatest ally in the pursuit of passion and adventure.

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

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I’ve been more and more eager lately to spruce up my wardrobe. When I look around and see other girls my age sashaying around in pretty dresses and skirts, I find myself longing to get in on the action. The problem?

Money. Always, always the money. Not that I’m complaining. There are certainly people who have much less, so I’m very thankful. It’s just that I can’t go throwing money around at the Dallas Galleria like there’s no tomorrow, especially when I’m still at least 20 pounds away from my goal weight. But I’d still like to be able to add a few nice things to the miss while I’m in the almost there phase.

So what’s the solution? Marry a millionaire! Ok, and if that doesn’t work out?

Well… I’ve got a little secret. The second-hand store.

I think these are becoming a bigger and bigger deal in the city. The one I found recently that I simply love is called Buffalo Exchange. I’d heard people talk about it, but I’d never been there myself until this last week. There were a lot of great styles and brands to choose from  - really unique stuff with  all the feminine details I so like to see on women’s clothing. And the prices are the very best part.

I got this little gem for $13. Isn’t that a steal!? I also got an adorable pair of Fossil high heels (not pictured) for $20. The other great thing about this store is that you can sell gently used clothing to them. I didn’t have anything to offer really, but it’s nice to know for when I do get smaller and have things to get rid of. In the meantime, I’m going to start trying to add some new fun things slowly into my closet. Hey, this is what makes weight loss fun right? Out with the old and in with the new :) Do you enjoy shopping for second-hand clothing?

Now I just need to find the perfect little black dress…

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

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Wow. Did you happen to notice how much chocolate is involved in Valentine’s Day? I didn’t even have a Valentine and I still got a ton of chocolate. Add to that the box of GirlScout Cookies that I bought from a co-worker (to be supportive, of course), and you’ve got yourself a pretty interesting week. I’ve been bouncing around in the low 160s, but after a pep talk from my Mom I was able to get back on track and set a goal to be back in the 150s by Thursday (which is today). Mission accomplished. Now I’ve just got to keep going full steam ahead and reclaim my rightful place at 157. And then onward from there.

It’s about stinking time. I swear I seem determined as hell to stretch out these last few pounds until the end of time. Why!? Any of you experience something similar? I guess you get to where you’re happy enough that you just lose the sense of urgency. But come bathing suit season I know I’ll want to kick myself if I don’t get together here pretty soon.

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think maintenance will be the hardest part of my journey—I think losing the last big chunk of weight will. I mean, I’ve proven to myself that I can maintain with very little trouble. I maintained in the 170s for a good long while. I maintained in the 160s for even longer than that (and apparently enjoyed it so much I thought I’d go back for a brief visit), and now I’m sort of maintaining in the 150s. When I get the needle down to 155 I’ll feel a whole lot better about my ability to finish this out.

Have any of you who have reached goal had a similar experience? Did you hit a wall when you found yourself closing in on the finish line? How in the heck did you get past it? Would love to read your thoughts/advise/words of wisdom on this today. Help a girl out!

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

 

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A Little Preview

February 13, 2012

Of a bridesmaid dress I’ll be wearing later this year… It’s a picture of a picture, so it isn’t the greatest quality, but you get the idea. I’m so excited. I remember when that clavicle first made an appearance, and now it’s all the way there baby. I gots me a CLAVICLE! Now if I [...]

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