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PriorFatGirl is a community of writers who share their healthiness journey with you, our friends. Currently, posts on the main page are written by Liz who is fighting through her healthiness journey (and winning!) You can read other priorfatgirl journeys by clicking on the “Other priorfatgirl’s” drop down from the top menu.

Through the ups and downs of life, the scale, and emotions, we share our stories as a form of therapy for us, and as a way to help remove stigmas associated with trying to live up to social expectations of being perfect. We will not ever promise to be perfect, but we will promise to share candidly our journeys of learning how to be healthy in an unhealthy world, sugar coating not included.

 

Weigh In week 39

I just got back from urgent care, E2 has an ear infection.  As maladies go this is an easily treated one and I hope that starting meds tonight means that there will be a bit more sleep around the Goat household tonight.  (It has been brutal.)  The cat goes to the vet tomorrow for the mysterious lesion that is not cancer that keeps coming back.  E1 is off of school for MEA and all in all I am struggling to find time to do things.  However, I am still tracking, doing my PT and I snuck away to go to weight watcher today.

And there was good news on that front:

-1.2 Pounds

84.4 lbs lost on WW to date

Sometimes I feel sort of let down by a 1lb weight loss, as if that wasn’t enough, but the fact of the matter is that any movement in the right direction is a good one. The little choices add up.  I found a new quotation this week that really spoke to me.

 

IMG_3335.JPGIt really struck me that the choices I make today effect my future self – it will be a reflection of the present me.  I guess I always knew this but for some reason it struck me powerfully this week.  I am in control of my future self – at least when it comes to the healthy choices I can make today.  Weight loss is a tricky thing and lately I’ve had people express some awe that I am able to lose weight while being so busy – the fact of the matter is this:  I need to do this, I don’t look on it as optional.  It is as important to me as being a good parent, a good wife, a good employee.

Sometimes my life conflicts with the healthy lifestyle – especially when I don’t plan meals or carve workout time out in advance, but there are still good choices I can make.  I do eat out, I am intrinsically lazy and prefer to curl up with a book or a movie than move.  I am part cat.  Even down 80+ lbs I still have within me all the bad habits that got me to 350+ lbs.  The difference between then and now is that working on weight loss is a non-negotiable.

I am sure that the path of my weight loss will slow as I keep losing weight, that is going to be a struggle for me I know.  I like to see success, but I have to keep my goal in mind – a healthier me.  This does not have an end date, it is informed but not bound by numbers.  And until I am there I am not sure what it looks like fully, but that is the goal.

If I can answer the question: Am I healthier today than last week?  Then it is a good day.

I am far from perfect.  I make a ton of mistakes along the way, but I keep on fighting.  Do or do not, there is no try.  I choose to do.

 

 

A case of the shoulds

I feel like I should be blogging tonight.

I should get my PT exercises done.

I should be pumping.

…cleaning

…going through the mail.

…doing some work.

…folding laundry.

The farther I get into the “should spiral” the less that I want to do.  I really want to sleep and rest before there is another sick kid or cat or crisis that needs my attention.  I hope tomorrow will be a good one – good that I get a full day’s work in and good that all my family is healthy and good that I lose at weigh in.   I fought to stay on track this week – it never felt easy or simple, but I think I managed it.  (I only say *think* because I had to estimate a meal or two and that is always a guessing game). I hope the scale reflects my efforts.

My knee has come a LONG way in a week and I am walking without crutches now.  I still have some pain, but I am faithfully doing my PT exercises.  This week I am going to try to get to the gym and do a short bike workout or possibly a swim.  I am cleared to try things that don’t cause me pain.  I am not going to be doing my 5k later this month but I am pleased by the progress I’ve made so far, and of course losing weight will only help my knees even more.

There, I crossed a “should” off my list and enjoyed myself in the process.  I keep meaning to write thoughtful, insightful or funny blogs, but most of these days I can just find time for an update blog post.  Bear with me, I have stuff to say and I want to find the time here.  Hopefully with MEA weekend this week and fewer work responsibilities I will find a chance to have a more engaging voice here again.

Until that time I will “see” you tomorrow with a Weigh In result!

Slow but not easy

What a week it has been.  Mr. Goat has been sick.  So has E1 and E2 came home from daycare sick by 10am today.  My throat hurts, but I am ignoring that, mama doesn’t have the time.  I am still rocking one crutch though my pain and swelling has gone down somewhat.  Tomorrow I’ll have to head into work to finish up the work I am skipping home with a sick E2 today.  I’ve had PT twice, the cat to the vet once (he is on TWO pills as well, but Mr. Goat is a cat whisperer thank goodness).

In all of this I am trying to take it slow.  I know that much of my healing (and hopeful surgery avoidance) is dependent on following doctors orders.  I am doing my Physical Therapy exercises each night before bed (and some necessary sets during the day).  Though they don’t seem like hard exercises between the pain and the over compensating muscles they are amazingly challenging.  Still I do them.

Sometimes I think the fallacy is that when we are forced to slow down things sudden become easier, but I find the opposite is true.  It is hard for me to keep myself from pushing too hard and finding the balance that I need between taking care of my health and taking care of everything else.  This was true last year on bed-rest with E2 and it is true with my knee too.

I really want to go for a run – to try to shake the cold (and an it-has-been-a-rough-week funk) – but that isn’t an option.  I am going to have to focus on the things I can do – including caring for the sick family and making healthy food choices.

I am thinking a lot about last year’s bed-rest and how frustrating it was to sit around when there was so much to do, but in the end it was a temporary situation and amazing things came from it (E2).  I am choosing to view this current setback in a similar way.  I will take the time I need to heal so that I can come back stronger than ever.  As things heal I think it will be time for some yoga, some swimming and some strength training.  But for now I go slow and do what my PT tells me.

I have always been a teacher’s pet after all.