And, we have a baby!

Baby Francisco Silva has arrived, we are all in love!

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Francisco was born on March 12th. Delivering Francisco was the most intense, indescribable and surreal experience I’ve ever had. I received some pitocin at noon on that Saturday and mild contractions started fairly quickly. Within a few hours, I was laboring pretty heavy. By about 6pm, I asked for an epidural however when they checked me at about 6:45pm, I was too far along and they told me to start pushing. Time goes so quickly in those intense moments. Every breath felt like seconds but last an hour. Encouraging phrases would wind through the room, in one ear and out the other. Carlos, standing right by my side, holding my hand, tears in his eyes. As my doctor and the nurses began to coach me into preparing for the final push, every ounce of feeling Francisco flowed through my body. Emotions were exploding all over, every painful sensation is felt and then quickly forgotten. And then. That exact moment. 7:43pm. Pushing Francisco over the pelvic bone and feeling him rush into the world.

9lbs, 3 ounces of the most beautiful,
perfect baby in the whole world.
21 inches of amazing.

The first 5 weeks were insane – Francisco was extra fussy and we struggled a lot with breastfeeding.  In the past week, the fussiness has calmed down and he is captivated with his surroundings. Despite trying everything nurses, doctors, the lactation consultants and the internet suggested, I was never able to get my milk supply to where it needed to be to feed our growing Francisco. I do still nurse however we follow-up every nursing session with a bottle. Not being able to breastfeed exclusively was horribly devastating. While I am thankful for being able to nurse what I can, I have had to grieve over what I am not able to do. A grieving process I never fathomed would have to happen.

Francisco’s fussiness has started to calm down and he has started to smile + laugh.

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For being an unplanned pregnancy, it truly has changed our lives. It is safe to say both Carlos and I have developed the most intense level of love with this tiny little baby that neither of us knew we needed. This whole experience has been so much more.

More intense.
More complicated.
More emotional.
More love.
More happiness.
More tiring.
More incredible
More complex.
More amazing.

More everything.

It has been six weeks since Francisco came into this world. Six weeks of a lifetime we never knew we would love so much. Six weeks of seeing Carlos fall more and more in love with this little baby we created.

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We ended up flying back to Boston on Friday, a last minute trip to visit Carlos’ family. Watching Francisco’s eyes light up when he hears Cape Verdean Creole, absorbing the words like he already understands their definitions. Dancing with his Grandma Julia, memorized by her sing song.

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I go back to work in three weeks. I am both looking forward to the routine and adult conversation, and dreading the absence of someone who has become my whole world.

Life is so unexpected, so difficult, so emotional, so perfect. The unplanned becomes natural and comfortable. Carlos and me. And Iggy. And Francisco.

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Whoa, baby

Hello, friends — 1.5 years since my last post and thought I’d just drop this photo right here 🙂

Whoa, baby!

#whoababy #unplannedparenthood #5point5months #marchbaby #arehashtagsstillcool #iggywillbesojealous #imissyouall

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The beginning and the end.

The beginning and the end.

Allow me to explain.

I’ve been blogging since 2007. For a good number of years, I was blogging 5 days a week. In those years, I met the love of my life. Lost 100lbs. Finished graduate school. Lost my mom & figured out how to process her death. Changed jobs. Lived through a tornado & subsequent $70,000 worth of damages/repairs to our house. Got married. Fought through repairing strained relationships. Gained some weight back. Life. I blogged through life.

And now, another life event has happened.

On Monday, May 19th, I started a new job. The next in my career. The beginning of an amazing opportunity; an exciting challenge; a beautiful new beginning. I am now the HR Manager of a company in St. Paul and am honored to have such an opportunity.

But, for me, it signals the end of what has been. It signals the end of blogging. There is no need for me to list the reasons other than to just say… now is the time. What blogging used to be for me is no longer. The signs were there. The slowing of the blog posts. The lack of engagement. The decrease in depending on blogging as an outlet. I’ve grown in ways I cannot explain and in areas that I’ve needed to grow in. Blogging has helped me in life more than I can ever explain. And now, now is the time to say goodbye. The beginning of the next chapter in my life and the end of my previous chapter.

Bittersweet.

I said goodbye last week to so amazing people at my old company. There were tears. And now, as I write this post, my eyes hold back alligator years. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m so grateful for what was. I am so thankful for this community who has surrounded me in days when I could not stand up on own. For those days and months after my mom died, when this community was part of the strength that kept me going. Tears for how lucky I am to have had this blog and this community.

PriorFatGirl will still be here and in fact will still be updated regularly. Liz, who is working diligently and amazingly on her healthiness journey will still be posting. Effective June 1st, 2024, Liz’s posts will be published on the main page of PriorFatGirl.com. My archive posts will show up as a tab under “other priorfatgirls” if you for some reason want to scan through them. I will still be tweeting so if you absolutely need to find me, I’ll be there but for the most part, it’s time for me to move on.

Yes, it’s the beginning and the end.

Thank you so much to all those who have supported me these past years – I am forever grateful, appreciative and honored.

Sincerely,

Jen, a priorfatgirl

A day of solitude.

Happy Monday, friends!

Mother’s Day is always bittersweet for me, for obvious reasons. This year will mark five years since my mom died — five years worth of time spent without my mom. Five years worth of life that did not get to share with her. I woke up yesterday morning and hit the Minneapolis Farmers Market early, before the rush. Then, I came home and spent a few hours playing in the dirt.

I planted…

  • multiple varieties of tomatoes
  • red, purple & yellow sweet peppers
  • zucchini
  • cucumbers
  • broccoli

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I got the grocery shopping done, roasted a chicken, boiled eggs and then, did NOTHING for the rest of the day. It was perfect.

This morning, I managed to get my butt outta bed for a pre-work workout. I was planning on going to the gym but realized I only had a couple miles worth of gas left before I ran out so decided I better just go for a run. I’m so horrible about filling my car up – I HATE getting gas.

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Running turned out to be just what I needed. My pace is still very slow compared to what I’ve been in recent years but who cares? Not me, surely! My mind was consumed with thinking about everything that has happened in the past five years; some amazing moments and some difficult moments. So many times, I’ve wanted to call my mom. So many times, I’ve craved her voice, her thoughts, her hug. Five years ago, I was graduating with my Masters in Organizational leadership from Bethel University. I was blogging five days a week and was going on 2.5 years of dating Carlos. I was working at Medtronic in a coordinator role supporting the sales team.

The five year anniversary of my mom passing is coming up and I can already tell the increased anxiety and sensitivity. I’ve got some big changes going on in the next couple weeks so I’m sure that adds onto the increased anxiety & tension.

So… five years. Wow.

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