A weekend in the middle is relaxed.

Calm.

Impromptu.

Free-flowing.

Yesterday, Carlos and I drove for 90 minutes, in the rain. No where to go and Iggy on my lap. Just driving with Stevie Wonder as our soundtrack.

Today, the neighborhood smells of hotdogs and hamburgers. I spent all day outside reading and my sunburned face proves it.

I’ve broken my dry-spell at the gym and life progresses.

I have a message for my long-time reader turned friend, Norma. But that will have to wait – life is happening.

Happy Memorial Day!

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This is new to me – this whole eating to live versus living to eat.

Years ago, as I began my fight to embrace more healthy habits, I had no idea what kind of roller-coaster of an adventure it would be. I’d never have imagined everything that I’d experience these past couple years. I’d never realized how connected eating was to life. It’s silly, actually. I started my journey thinking I just wanted to lose weight and be healthy. I never realized to lose weight and be healthy, I’d actually have to accomplish so much more than that.

I’d have to embrace myself.

I mentioned the conversation I had a couple weeks ago with my therapist, when he challenged the idea that one can be overweight or have eating issues purely because they enjoy the taste of food. He shared with me he thought I often used food for joy and that in our sessions, we needed to figure out how to find joy in life, not food.

Joy from life.

So how do I go about finding joy from life? How do I disconnect my mind from the pure satisfaction of flavor combinations I’ve grown to desire intensely?

Dinner with friends.

Tuesday evening, Carlos and I went to our friends house, Jared & Jackie’s for dinner. On our way, we stopped to grab a bottle of wine.

Chianti is my favorite. I mean, my faaaavooorite! It’s followed closely by Riesling and Shiraz… but top of all top is Chianti. The sun was blaring it’s evening rays and Iggy was sitting on my lap, excited to play with Stella, their dog. Jackie was excited to share with us a salad she made, it’s one of her favorites. As we talked and shared conversation, I took a bite of one of the most delicious, sunny-weather appropriate salads I’ve ever had.

The salad had black beans, mango’s, red and orange peppers, and some crisp tortilla sprinkled on top with a lemon/cumin/Tabasco vinaigrette. I remember smiling often during our conversations, laughing as I shared stories and my hands flying through the air as I elaborated stories. I remember looking over at Carlos and Jared’s plates, realizing they were done with their salad and I had barely started mine.

CONVERSATION.

I was so involved in the conversation, it was almost as if the delicious, most amazing salad in front wasn’t actually there. Who could eat where there was so much conversation to have? I paused long enough to finish  my salad since dinner was ready. I also made sure to finish my glass of wine since it was my favorite. As I poured myself a second glass of wine, dinner was set out in front of me.

It looked amazing. So simple yet so satisfying. But I didn’t dive in right away. Instead, I leaned forward and widened my eyes as Jared shared a story about Jackie’s retirement plan. I was so invested in the conversation, my whole body was activated and involved. It was as if I was on pins and needles, waiting for each word to be pronounced. The ceiling fan above us whiirrreeed as we laughed at the fact that both Stella and Iggy had accidents as conversations distracted us. The rice and chicken were a good compliment to the salad but my fork wasn’t busy. I ate about half the chicken and then gave the rest to Carlos. I wanted to talk, not finish my chicken – I wasn’t hungry anymore.

Jackie and I scooped up the dinner plates and nestled them into the sink as the smell of freshly made brownies floated past our noses. Oh yes, the evening wasn’t over. Jackie had made brownies and served it in a bowl with a scoop of simple vanilla ice cream.

So simple. So perfect. I ate my brownie with soft, creamy ice cream – almost runny ice cream. Runny because I talked so much; I very much prefer very soft, almost runny ice cream so it was no problem to me. The evening finished a few hours after it started with promises of another repeat soon. It was a perfect mid-week evening – there is no better way I can think of spending a Tuesday then how we did.

I wonder if you are asking yourself how this story relates to joy from food or joy from life. Funny thing. I woke up this morning and was 9lbs lighter than I was in February 27th. Sure, it took 3 months but I haven’t worked out in those 3 months so losing 9lbs is actually a very big deal for me. Joy from life.

Joy from life. Joy from conversation, not food. Food is not joy. Life is. Dinner is. Conversation is. Friends are joy.

This is not to say I’ve figured it out because the reality is, it’ll take day after day of fighting… but I’ve fought this hard, for this many years and I recognize how far I’ve come.

Joy from life. My life. I am embracing myself.

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I mentioned in 2009 about post-weight loss, I was FREEZING. Weight loss made me cold. Losing weight meant losing layers of warm fat.

I cannot emphasize enough how cold I really was. It was so cold, I would often not be able to concentrate on anything else. I spoke to my doctor multiple times about it and sure enough, people who lose large amounts of weight tend to have cold intolerance. The solution? Ride it out. Eventually, the body is suppose to re-adjust.

And guess what? It did! Two years later, I realized I wasn’t shivering all the time. I’d still get cold, but it was manageable. So the good news is, for all of you who recently lost a large amount of weight and are freezing, IT DOES GET BETTER!

But something recently happened. In the past six months, I’ve begun overheating. Like sweating all the time. Rarely cold, sometimes normal, often fanning myself off and trying to figure out how to cool down. I have no idea where this came from except for one idea.

When I had my surgery back in November, Dr. Gervais removed a large portion of the hair follicles under my arm, as well as all the other skin under the armpit. This morning, as I was driving to work with the air conditioner on full-blast, I wondered…

Is it possible my body is now trying to re-adjust to the change in how it cools itself down now that my underarms have changed?

I have a post-op in a couple weeks so I’ll ask Dr. Gervais but until then, I’ve got to figure out how to cool down!

Sincerely,

Sweaty Jen

P.S., I started a craft project this past weekend and
ended up at a hardware thrift shop type store with
my sister. At one point, I turned around and saw this:

Key Takeaway:

SMILE!

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