Is struggling with healthiness a privilege?

It’s ironic now that I decided that I need to blog again, I find myself with nothing to say. Every time I think about writing a blog post, it just sounds so repetitive with what I’ve written years and years ago.

I’m holding steady at 210 right now, so a total of 6lbs lost in 6 weeks. Laughable, honestly. 6 pounds is 6 pounds but to be honest, I know I can do better. I’m still letting a lot of excuses win. Francisco got his first ear infection last Monday on top of a pretty crazy cold he had been fighting. Poor little guy, I just wanted to smother him in snuggles. He got on antibiotics which kicked in pretty quickly so all was well except in less than 24 hour, I caught the cold he had. A cold that knocked me out. Wednesday I got home from work and went right to bed. Thursday I could barely talk and by the time Friday came, I couldn’t even get out of bed. I slept the whole day. My voice started to come back on Saturday but barely. It’s now Tuesday and I’ve had this cold for a week. I am still barely surviving. Scratchy voice, sneezing, coughing and just getting by.

A time when my body needs the healthiest foods possible to fight off this cold and I’m struggling. An excuse, I tell myself. All excuses. I am not being hard on myself, I am just being honest with myself. I know that in order to be healthy, I have to stop allowing all these normal life happenings to get in my way. I have a child now. I am pretty sure I will be tired for the next 18 years. I will need to figure it out. And I have a job. One that is fairly intense and requires me to work 50 hours a week. I am not a unique snowflake with struggles that others don’t have. Other people… other women figure this out.

So what do I blog about?

I certainly do not have the capacity to write multiple times a week about what I do every day. Nor do I want to anymore. I have no interest in chronicling my life day-by-day because frankly, wouldn’t that be boring? My life is not exciting, lol.

When I originally mentioned I needed to be back, my thought was that I needed to blog through the struggles. But given all that is going on in the world, it seems so…. juvenile. So privileged of me that being healthy is a struggle. Other people in this world have struggles so much bigger than what I’m going through and yet here I sit in my tiny corner of Milwaukee struggling because even though I have access to an abundance of amazing healthy foods, I don’t want to eat it.

Okay – I think I’m going down a rabbit hole here and I’m not sure where it will stop if I don’t just stop myself 🙂

6 pounds. A victory, albeit a small victory.

Jen-white-1-300x106

Comments

  1. Even if we are privileged, that doesn’t mean we don’t have a right to feel overwhelmed. As a mom of two who always worked full time, I had to let go of perfection and allow myself some “me” time. Are you doing that? Sometimes food is the only reward available if we don’t do much for ourselves.

    • Dawn McGurn says:

      Susan, you are not a dog learning to do tricks. Food is not a reward. That is the fucked-up thinking that gets women fat and keeps them there. Eating junk is not “doing something for yourself.”

  2. Christina Kinley says:

    You are absolutely not alone with your struggles. I go through this everyday. Like you, I realize that sometimes I make excuses, and I have access to all sorts of healthy foods and activities, but often, I just do. not. want. them. Then I feel bad about that. It’s a cycle. I am so glad you are back to blogging. Even if you think your life is boring… I am sure there are many others out there, like myself, that have followed for a long time (years and years) and it’s nice to hear from someone real, like you.

  3. I’m on DAY 13 of having the crud and I feel 0% better now than I did in Day 1. Ugh! So if you discover anything that gives you any reprieve from your cold – let us know!! I don’t even want to get on the scale – the fatigue from this cold is knocking me on out so I haven’t worked out (or even taken a walk) in two weeks!!

  4. Jen, please try not to stress yourself out about the blog. You started this blog for one reason but your life has done a complete 180 so of course it’s going to be different now. I may be alone, tho I doubt it, in thinking that I don’t really care how often you write but I do enjoy hearing your updates…no matter what they are. Your blog is just that, yours, and you need to forget about pleasing people (especially the woman who continually posts mean comments grrrrr) and focus more on writing about things that make YOU happy. I believe the majority of people who read your blog have been here for a long time and we are invested in YOU not your weight loss or gain or fitness…we are here to support you so please, try to take a little of that pressure off shoulders 🙂

  5. Here’s to doing what you know you need to do. I know you got to your root causes before you had the baby- grains, sugars, etc are common triggers for binge eating.

    And using false fixes when the kid is sick. I did that all the time. I hurt myself and my kid by doing that until she was age 11. Your kid is young. Don’t wait. Your whole family dynamic will change when you put down the false sugar fixes and you get well again. Onward. PFC helps- IMO. And abstaining from your triggers. Onward. Keep yourself and your kid well.

    • Jen, a priorfatgirl says:

      Thank you for the reminder, Karen – I don’t want to let years pass without gaining refocus on being healthy. Hope you are well!

  6. Magdalena says:

    A very thoughtful post.

  7. I guess it is both.

Speak Your Mind

*