I don’t know about you but one of the things I dreaded most about being fat is going to the doctor. There are the labs and the admonishments to lose weight. There is the fear of what the number on the scale will be, or in my case, the blood pressure number was enough to, well, raise my blood pressure. As a result there is a fear and an unease when it comes to going to the doctor, even for those routine checkups. The fear stays with you a long time. I still have anxiety about getting my blood pressure taken, even if it is at automated kiosk at Target (which amazingly enough I can fit my arm into now).
Today I had a followup doctor’s appointment from my initial weight management assessment from December. I like that they have doctors as a part of the program to address any of the physical issues. Anyway, one of the things I had to do was get blood-work done for labs. Lots of labs – Cholesterol, Glucose, Vitamins, Iron, etc…
I got the results of all but one at the doctor’s appointment today. I won’t lie, I was anxious going into it. What if I am having sugar issues (a common fear of diabetes when large), what if I am getting my family’s history of high cholesterol, ack!
Instead the results were….normal.
Everything, but one remaining test that hadn’t come through, was normal. Within range. Acceptable limits. Even, dare I say, good? My vitamin D was normal, but a tad lower than they prefer, but otherwise everything was great. My first thought was one of relief, that I had dodged a medical bullet. But my second thought was pride. I didn’t dodge a bullet, I worked to lose 70+ lbs. Those numbers are normal because I am putting in the work. I am still fat. I am obese, but I am better than I was.
There is a joy in being normal. There is joy in not being the largest one in the room. There is joy in not having doctor’s frown at your numbers. There is joy in not having to dread a doctor visit. There is joy in doing the work to get there.
I have been stressed because the task of losing weight is getting harder for me, but I realized that all things get harder. You have to learn basic math before you get to calculus. I am graduating to advanced weight loss now. It will, and should take more work, and there is joy in that too. Because today, I am closer to normal than I have been in a long long time.
The number on the scale may not be where it needs to be, but there are other numbers that matter too. Today I feel normal, and it is a wonderful feeling.