Where to begin? I wasn’t sure if I should blog today because I realized that what I am feeling today make many of you rather angry with me…but the blog is a way to help me process my feelings and experiences on this weight loss quest of mine, so I am going to blog what I am feeling anyway.
What I am feeling tonight, as I look forward into 2013, is that I didn’t do a very good job in 2012. Or, I should clarify, I haven’t done a very good job in the last 3 months of 2012. Perhaps that is the crux of why I am feeling disappointed with myself, because I know that I can do better than I have been.
The last three months have been hard for me – at least eating, food, and weight loss-wise – and I can’t quite tell why. Part of it is a plateau. Part of it is stubbornness and losing focus. Part of it is the season and the lack of light and a little bit of blues. (I’m keeping an eye out for the big D though, don’t worry). Part of it is sick kids, and busy schedules, and travel and parties and all of it.
But the part that has me feeling frustrated tonight is that most of the things in that paragraph looks to me like giant excuses, because really that is what they are. I had those things for the first 3/4 of the year as well, but the fight has just been that much harder lately and I’ve fallen down a lot. I pray I have the strength to keep trying.
I am feeling that way too because for the last two weeks my tracking has been virtually nonexistent and my eating has been through the roof. Today alone I had a chinese buffet AND pizza for supper. I am not looking forward to weigh in on Wednesday morning, or perhaps a part of me is. I need something to remind me that I am in control of what I eat and the consequences are my own.
Now, to be fair, 2012 is also a huge success for me. It is the first year that I have EVER lost any significant amount of weight, and no matter if I ring in the year at 65 lbs, 75lbs down, or less or more, I am successful. I have been successful. And I will continue to be successful.
I have no intention of giving up and I hope to find some time to stop in the blog tomorrow or Wednesday and share some of my thinking and plans for 2013 – races, therapy and MORE! And for all my many slip ups, my whining and my struggles I am truly grateful for having all of you out there in my life. Your support has been immeasurable and each and everyone of you help me continue each day. In that way 2012 has been outstanding.
No matter if your 2012 was fabulous or frustrating I am rooting for you all and wishing you innumerable blessings in 2013. *Mwah*