Archives for September 2012

Community

Can I share something of the last week with  you?  I guess I can, since this is my blog post after all.

In the last week I have:

  • Been cheered on here on the blog.
  • Told that someone joined Weight Watchers as inspired by me.
  • Gotten advice about how to schedule my week’s workouts around my 5k this week.
  • Been convinced to sign up for the Monster Dash 5k by my blogger/online friends.
  • Asked to be on a team for the Warrior Dash next summer by my water kettle bells instructor…I said yes.
  • Further decided as a water kettle bells class to sign up for the Get Lucky 7k in March.
  • Gotten an email from Ann about the Whole30 challenge
  • Conversed with Sabrina on Facebook about her upcoming Disney 10 mile race.
  • Cheered on others over their success.
  • Given virtual hugs to those who are struggling.

Weight loss can be seem isolating if we make it so.  The hard work ultimately relies on our own actions and choices, but I don’t doubt for a minute that the community that I am blessed with, both online and off, has given me the strength to continue on.  I have made real and lifelong friends so far in this experience and am connecting with more every day.  But I think that the greatest gift I am given is their confidence in me.  Even on days where I doubt my ability to succeed, there are people out there who are 100% certain that I am enough to achieve my goals.  There is no doubt in their minds, and with their support I am able to listen to the parts of myself that can push myself harder than I ever thought.

In the last 24 hours I’ve committed to three new races – a 5k, a 5k obstacle course and a 7k, all in the next year.  Sure, I need to register for 2 of them still, but I intend to.  The gift of those is knowing that I won’t be alone in my efforts and that my friends are convinced that I can succeed.

The more I am on this world the more I am convinced that we are strongest when we are surrounded by people who believe in our strength and who forgive us and love us despite our weaknesses.  You, each and everyone one of you, make me stronger.

And just in case you didn’t know, I believe in you too.

I believe that you are enough just as you are.

I believe that you are beautiful despite the number on the scale.

I believe that you are kindred spirits even if we’ve never met.

I believe you can do far more than you give yourself credit for.

I believe you WILL reach your goals.

I believe in you.

 

P.S.  I have to add more blogs to my feed lately since I am meeting all sorts of new people online and I want to read your words and wisdom too.  Will you share your blogs with me in the comments so I can come visit?

No Time to Freak Out

I know that I’ve been slacking on weight loss posts and training update posts and just posting in general, but things have been crazy here. Hawaii, Fitbloggin’, and the half marathon were/are weekend after weekend after weekend so I feel kind of like I’ve been living out of a suitcase for a while. I can’t wait to have nothing to do and nowhere to go and I promise I will get back to regular posting and regular workouts and have more focus on healthy living.

We leave tomorrow for a long weekend in New York with my family.  A weekend where I will run my first-ever half marathon and my longest-ever distance…and I’m not freaking out. Yet. I think I’m still on the Fitbloggin’ love train high and thinking of the Fitbloggin’ monkey tribe so the negative self talk hasn’t started yet. I’m so busy at work that I haven’t had time to reflect on if I’m really ready to run 13.1 miles. I’m so excited that my family (husband, daughter, mom, dad, nephews!) will see me and my sister cross the finish line that I can’t even imagine not doing the race or not finishing.

Lots of things in my life are changing right now or will be changing soon. Some I won’t talk about because it’s private stuff (but not scandalous or bad, I promise!), but I will definitely talk to you guys about the changes I plan to make regarding my weight loss and healthy living journey.

I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it on here, but I feel like I’ve allowed half training to eclipse my weight loss efforts. I’m ready to refocus on weight loss after this weekend but as I mentioned, I have plans to change things up a bit. Training for something big and losing weight both take such an incredible amount of effort and dedication so it will be nice to not feel torn between one or the other.

I know this has been a hodgepodge mess of a post, so please forgive me! 🙂 I will be back to normal posting next week with lots to say about the half marathon, Fitbloggin’, and weight loss!

And just because I love it so much, here’s a picture of me with one of my favorite new Fitbloggin’ friends: Renee (aka @pinkypie). This woman is one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. You should check out her blog and Twitter and fall in love with her too. 🙂

 

It’s time for me.

About a month ago, I experienced the most magical day of my life – MY WEDDING. Absolutely nothing went wrong. It was perfect. I woke up knowing that Carlos loved me more than he ever had, emotionally and physically. I slipped on my wedding dress and felt amazing. Nothing else mattered. My weight didn’t matter, my size didn’t matter – I felt beautiful, sexy and happy. That August 25th, nothing else mattered because I felt incredible.

 But there is something I didn’t tell you about that day. I slipped on my wedding dress knowing I had gained close to 30lbs since my lowest.

I knew it that morning. But I didn’t care. I felt amazing. I felt so beautiful and loved and that dress… oh, that dress felt so perfect on me. For weeks leading up to the wedding, I knew my weight had crept up to the highest I’d seen in 3 years. But I made a very conscious decision NOT to concentrate on my weight.

Because I didn’t want to be that bride. I didn’t want to be that bride that goes into crash diet mode. I wanted to soak up the entire wedding planning experience. I did my best to continue to be conscious of my eating, making every effort to eat balanced. I continued to work out and not let my weight dictate how I felt on my wedding day.

And now, here I am.  Married a month and that number is carrying over my head like a big dark cloud. The truth is, I don’t want to lose the 30lbs I gained. I don’t want to get back to where I was because I know that is not sustainable for me. The truth is, I don’t want to concentrate on the number anymore. I want to focus on eating balanced and working out. I’d prefer to lose about 15lbs in the process, so my clothes feel comfortable but I don’t want to lose 30lbs.

Last night, I attended the Scoop on Sugar class and I feel so energized about healthy, balanced eating. I am so excited TO EAT FAT. And CARBS. And PROTEIN. I am so excited to eat balanced. I am so energized about healthiness and balance.

I go back and forth often with my therapist about blogging because when it boils down to it, I’ve put more emphasis on YOU and what YOU think versus me and my healthiness. Every moment I’m in “blog-world” is a moment I’m not in “my-world.” This past summer has done me well, mentally. I took a step back from trying to be a “brand” and I really have felt more balanced mentally. I stopped focusing on blogging every day and telling you what was going on and instead, just did it. I still have A LOT of work to do, a lot of work.

I didn’t screw up and gain 30lbs. I didn’t fail and gain weight back. Instead, I’ve learned. I’ve learned I need to focus on ME. I need to make ME a priority. I need to always be on top of my game and not let my guard down. Forever. And forever is a loooonnng time. I need to eat balanced, not low-calorie. I’ve never pretended to be perfect and I never will be perfect. I don’t want to be perfect. But I sure as hell don’t want to gain another 70lbs back so now, it’s time.

It’s time for me.

It’s time for me to be honest with myself, admit where I am and then, hold my head up and fight. Because I know being healthy is about being balanced. I’m meeting now with my therapist, weekly. And, starting toward the end of October I’m going to begin seeing a dietitian. I want to be healthy, for me. I want to be balanced.

It’s time for me.

Weigh In Week 38

This week went well, until yesterday.  I tracked everything, workout out a bit more than I’ve been doing lately, and generally felt in control with my eating and my ability to indulge responsibly.  Until yesterday.  Now I know the reason why yesterday was a mess – hormones.  My very worst days of binging are always the day immediately preceding…well you know.  While this is frustrating to notice, and especially when it happens just before a weigh in, it is helpful to note that there is a pattern to my madness.  And that it is temporary.

The key to those days is to not even start with any indulgent foods.  If I start I quite literally cannot stop.  So when free pizza showed up for lunch yesterday and I was invited to dine with the whole staff and socialize, well, the damage was done.  Nevertheless, I did have a little loss this week.

-.8 Pounds

-72.8 lbs Lost to Date

I am not at all annoyed with this.  Given the week and the hormonal timing of life I’m lucky to have lost anything this week, and I know that my salt intake was quite a bit higher yesterday.  Any loss is a victory right now and I will take it.  Plus, if I stay on track this week, next week should look pretty good.

Mostly I am just realizing that it isn’t worth getting worked up about one day quite so much.  I’ve been at this for 9 months now and I know that one day can’t negate 9 months of work.  (Of course I wasn’t so clear headed crying into Mr. Goat’s shoulder about my food yesterday evening.  I blame hormones.  Let’s just not talk about that!)

One other thing I’ve noticed lately is how much my face has changed.    See?

2007

October 2011

Feb/March 2012

May/June 2012

Today – Sept 2012

So I don’t buy for a minute that a .8 pound loss doesn’t matter this week.  Because slow progress is still progress.  So this week is solidly a win, despite yesterday’s eating.

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