Archives for July 2012

Sweat. Good.

The truth is, no matter how tough a day may be, busting through some endorphins at the gym will normally make it better.

Where the sidewalk ends.

A few weeks ago, I went for a run over lunch. I hadn’t gone running much over lunch so while I am sorta familiar with the city I work in, I am not overly confident with the best running route in the immediate area around my office. That said, the best thing about running is that you can do it anywhere. And on that day, over lunch, I did.

I left my office, turned right and started running. I had no clue where I was going but just went. I work in a somewhat industrial area of the city. There are a few restaurants but the miles around my office are mostly industrial & office buildings, and residential neighborhoods.

I ran for 25 minutes. Well, ran with a few walking breaks. I ran up on street, down the next and around the bend. As I made my way back to my office, I knew what was going to happen. I knew I’d run out of sidewalk. I knew I was going to go into a part of the industrial area that didn’t have sidewalks – I’d have to somehow get back to my office without the sidewalk.

What happens when the sidewalk ends?

I was going to be faced soon with the end of the sidewalk and I’d have to make a choice.  To be honest, I’ve been scared of streets the past couple of years. Scared of cars. I don’t mind driving, though I’d rather not. When I go through intersections, I brace myself and hold my breath as my eyes dart around just to make sure the other cars stopped. It’s weird. Walking or running on the sidewalk is bearable. But no sidewalk? It makes my heart pitter-patter.

You see, my mom wasn’t on a sidewalk when she died. She was walking on the street, pushing my nephew in a stroller. I am not sure if she would have lived, had she been on a sidewalk. No, actually I know she wouldn’t have lived either way. She was at the end of the drive way, in the drivers blind spot. The driver didn’t see her and backed over her. It was an accident. An honest accident. Eh – I hate talking about the graphic details.

Roads terrify me. My shoulders tense up, my chest puffs out. My eyes dart from side to side and all around. Cars coming toward me – will they see me? I much prefer to run around a lake or on a trail. The sidewalk provides what little comfort it can.

So, what happens when the sidewalk ends?

Previously, I’d turn and go back. Find a different way to get where I’m going. Figure out how to get around running on the street. But this time, something was different.

Funny thing.

I just kept running. The sidewalk ended and I had only one choice. Run or run fast.

I ran fast.

Today is the 3 year anniversary of my mom dying. I cannot believe it’s been three years. I cannot believe all that has changed, all that was lost and all that is no longer. Three years later and my heart still aches. The world went on with life… without my mom. Lord, please be with Paul and his family today… may he feel a sense of peace today.

The support from the community at my Mom’s service was overwhelming. Thank you to everyone who has supported me, my sisters and my dad… then and now.

Kim Emmert Memorial from Paul Carey on Vimeo.

As in years past, comments are closed. Instead, please please please take a moment or two to call someone you love and tell them just that… that you love them. I’M BEGGING YOU. Do it now before it’s too late.

boo hoo stop.

Oh Lord, I feel like my posts have been so up and down lately – I hope ya’ll have stuck with me!

Aside from being slightly boo-hoo-ey, I’ve been working on getting some positivity in my life too.

Friend time.

Wedding project time.

Workout time.

Eating has gone well the past couple weeks, as well as workouts. My focus the final 3 weeks before the wedding is to concentrate on eating as much whole foods as I can (although most of you know that for me, it still means some non-whole foods) and to get in 5 workouts a week, heavy weights. I have really begun to notice my mental positivity when I keep the workouts consistent so aside from any physical side effects from working out, I owe it to myself mentally as well. And finally, I need to just keep praying for peace & calmness these last final weeks.

Although I’ve been slightly more easily annoyed and have had some teary-moments, I am so grateful for so many amazing things in my life; surrounded by loved ones, an amazing job, Iggy. So much to be thankful for.

We’ve decided instead of doing a groom’s dinner, we are going to do a family dinner the night before our wedding. Just family. Together. For laughs and food. I cannot wait! I want to spend as much time with our families as possible.

Oh la la, friends – I CANNOT WAIT TO GET MARRIED! 

I really do just want to jump up and down and up and down!

A Leap of Faith

Oh, Hallelujah!  Today was a DAY OFF!  Well, I was off all weekend, but that was family time.  This was a day off alone.  Mr. Goat took Little Goat to daycare at 7:30am and I was on my own until I had to get him at 4:45.  It was heavenly.  First I went back to bed and slept until 10am.  Then I finished my book in bed!  Then I had a healthy lunch and sorted out all the too big clothes that are all lying around.  Most of these clothes were fall and winter things ranging from sizes 22-28.  You see I am pretty squarely in a size 20 now, and even smaller in some cases.  I didn’t realize how much of a difference that made until I looked back at those too big clothes this morning.  I don’t remember being that BIG.  But I do remember wearing many of those clothes and them feeling tight, so I must have been.

It was a sign of how far I’ve come.  The rest of the afternoon was consigning and donating those boxes of clothes, and a mile swim thrown in as my workout too.  Not too shabby.

Giving away these clothes was a big step for me.  You all know that my July has seemed frustrating.  Eating right and finding time to workout has been more of a challenge and I haven’t felt like I’ve made much progress.  When I started boxing up too big clothes earlier this spring I wasn’t ready to give them away.  I didn’t want them, or need them but the “what if” question kept ringing in my mind.  “What if” I need them because I gain the weight back?  “What if” I slip up?  “What if” I’m not strong enough to keep this weight off.  “What ifs” are scary beasts.  They poison your thoughts.

I admit, there are still “what ifs” I deal with every day, especially this month when things have seemed harder than before.  But a day off, and being back on track with eating and working out, gave me the confidence to take a leap of faith today.

This leap isn’t a leap into faith in God, though that is a useful thing that I am blessed to have.  No, this leap was a leap of faith in myself.  I still have lingering doubts about my journey but today I took a leap that said I will succeed no matter how long it takes.  I won’t go back to those sizes.  I won’t wear those clothes again.  I will give them and sell them to people who need them because I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.  I am changed and changing.  I am more than I once was, even though there is less of me.  I am strong, and healthier and believe I can succeed.

So away they went.

In it’s place I bought this dress…in a size 18.  (For $.30 thanks to some pieces I sold)  I am an 18 now.  Or will be soon.  I am not a 28.

Days off can be wonderful but so can finding the ability to trust yourself and the process again.  I feel refreshed and ready to take on the next 5, 10, 50, 100 pounds.  Bring it on!

  • download roller coaster nokia 5230
  • directx 9 mirror
  • download linux kurumin 5
  • vcarve pro 6 download
  • mp3 mahalaya birendra krishna bhadra
  • line tower wars 7
  • lam sao video
  • rab rakha mp3 love breakups zindagi
  • splish splash i was taking a bath
  • navifirm 0.4 and the hacked usa
  • crm update rollup 7
  • xliveless gta eflc
  • gloves sims 2 download
  • turkojan 4 2011
  • disco dancer songs
  • download ringtone suara vespa
  • mini dicionario aurelio
  • sound effects boom
  • guitar hero anos 80
  • jaf download for nokia 5230
  • 3541 pokemon platinum usa download
  • toontown membership code generator
  • bagpipe player download windows 7
  • download config cu bunny hop
  • c web install download
  • easycap capture treiber download
  • capitA?o america download pc game
  • songs of satan
  • download of royal wedding service
  • banco de dados mysql 64 bits
  • download dragonfable dragon amulet hack
  • download backbreaker thd apk
  • dappy bad intentions album free
  • download do filme primo basilio rmvb
  • la isla bonita madonna
  • mp3 sakit hati meggy z
  • awesome god lyrics
  • mbam setup exe download
  • download musicas sertanejas do momento 2012
  • ma 620 driver download windows 7
  • quay itc tt bold download
  • download rugby 08 on pc for free
  • knife party fire hive download 320
  • download subtitle ultra reinforcement 2012
  • download azada in libro full version
  • download from one computer to another
  • oo palan hare download
  • ezginin gunlugu eksik birsey download
  • failed nokia 5800
  • khokababu movie 3gp
  • pontianak vs orang minyak full movie
  • download cd negra cor 2011
  • tahalka movie song
  • download acer aspire 6930 drivers
  • lynyrd skynyrd greatest hits
  • free download candy crush game
  • mimecast services for blackberry download
  • volvamos a empezar
  • download best games for c1 01
  • irresistible one direction download mp3
  • hbk theme song 2012 download
  • download mp3 safetysuit these times
  • hp f2418 driver windows 7
  • tupac changes download heminei
  • blackberry messenger 6.1 free
  • lagu pilar band
  • carsoft 6.5 bmw deutsch
  • download jay cutler my house
  • bobsled calling for blackberry
  • vb6 file from url
  • tomtom iberia maps
  • download programa de horario escolar
  • saudagar songs free mp3
  • gypsy shakira mp3
  • ig maker full version download
  • ultimate assassin 3 download
  • o astro terceiro capitulo
  • download bitza take me slow zippy
  • longman dictionary for linux
  • emre aydAn son defa indir
  • mdict cho window mobile
  • os vingadores em hd
  • rogers connection manager for mac
  • rachmaninov concerto 2 download
  • download bkav home mien phi moi nhat 2011
  • 2go into phone
  • download forms to withdraw pf
  • download mp3 volcano by phillip phillips
  • duke nukem 3d android download free
  • final exit highlight
  • download manam kothi paravai film
  • download netgear parental controls user utility
  • rails for zombies app
  • meggy z sakit gigi
  • convocation converter download cnet
  • free fl studio 5
  • pimp c choppin blades
  • lost then found mp3
  • download professor jay mp3
  • jatti nachdi k s makhan
  • solidworks 2011 sp0
  • download igo maio 2012
  • song fatafati of barfi
  • wallpapers of father's day
  • visibilmente 06 calendario 2012
  • gizmos and gadgets 64 bit
  • download cheats in ninja saga
  • lame for audacity mac
  • you colbie caillat
  • kamal uddin ar rahman
  • hagure yuusha no estetica episode 2
  • das ritual 2011 download
  • download game choplifter hd
  • gangatheertham vol 2 free
  • young marco o yeah
  • piece of me download mp3
  • 1.1 2 jailbreak zip download
  • goo goo dolls slide mp3 download
  • itunes location xp
  • download scanner de xray
  • for mobile
  • always strapped mp3
  • cursed crusade demo
  • free xara 3d text
  • kyocera mita fs 3820n treiber download
  • download aplicatii tableta android
  • download free intentalo 3ball mty
  • download mehndi hai rachne wali mp3 free
  • download dhadkan full songs
  • intel widi software
  • bandana film songs
  • virtual dj download to cache
  • fx photo studio pro
  • un giorno bellissimo free download
  • download song apni aankhon ke samandar mein
  • download mp3 andai aku besar nanti
  • download new weapons for gta vice city
  • download gratis separuh aku
  • nickelodeon choice awards 2012
  • intr o nu stiu care seara
  • download aieee counselling letter 2012
  • the crucible audio mp3
  • gioco zoo gratis
  • party man mp3
  • download avast 5.0 pl
  • eni meni mini mo
  • easy texture packs minecraft
  • unstoppable the movie
  • download nintendo ds roms
  • download windows 8 dual boot
  • free mp3 to mobile
  • sachin chalisa mp3