The truth is…

The truth is…

I’ve eat 3 Fiber One brownies in one afternoon.
I have stretch marks.
I sometimes snore.
I ask a lot of questions.
I have really big calves & thighs.
I haven’t read a book in years.
I’ve had breakfast for dinner for the past three weeks.
I like taking care of Carlos.
I don’t always eat my vegetables.
I can be passive-aggressive.
I eat Oreos.

And the truth is…

I’m really happy lately.

And I’m realizing how much I love life outside of the blog. I’ve loved blogging the past couple of years, sharing my journey, frustrations and successes as it relates to healthiness and life. I cannot imagine my life without PriorFatGirl. A year ago, if you’d had asked me what my hopes were, I’d probably have told you my hope was to continue to let PriorFatGirl grow and develop, hoping one day I could concentrate full time on it. Speaking, organizing meet-ups, writing for other outlets, and all the other fun stuff I’ve had the honor of doing.

But the truth is, hopes can change year from year. In the past year, something has changed. I can’t point out one specific moment. But at some point, I realized…I don’t want to be defined by this blog. I don’t want to be known as the girl who has the blog. I don’t to be known for who I am online.

The truth is, I like who I am off-line. I enjoyed that week off from blogging more than I realized I would. I felt guilty for enjoying it as much as I did. Until I realized I am not my blog.

The truth is, it scares me a little (actually a lot), to not have this blog. Before the blog, I was overweight and shunned all attention. I wanted to blend in and not be noticed. I agreed with everyone so as not to have to say what I really felt. As I started to lose weight, blogging became my side-kick. Through blogging, I met friends, was given amazing opportunities and found myself. There were a couple of years when I lost myself in the blog. I was one and the same. I associated myself with the blog and lost me. Now that I’ve found myself (and continue to find myself) I want to experience life, not be in front of a computer.

I’m never going to be a full-time blogger. I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be known as Jen, a priorfatgirl. I want to be me. I don’t want to be tied to writing, to a schedule, to my online presence.

Have no fear: I’m not quitting just yet. I’m excited to share with you the Future PriorFatGirl nominations next week and can’t wait to get your input. I’m still here but moving forward, I’m just going to blog when I feel like it. Maybe that means I’ll still write every day for the next two weeks. Maybe it means I’ll update at 7pm.

The truth is, I am a real person.

 

Engagement Photos (a wedding update)

Engagement photos.

I almost didn’t do them.

I didn’t know what to do with them, had no intention of using them so wasn’t sure I wanted to waste our time and the photographers time taking photos. Since my surgery in November left me somewhat immobile, we decided to wait a few months which put us in the dead of what was suppose to be a Minnesota winter. I had no visions for our engagement photos so the thought of taking photos outside in white fluffy snow made no difference to me. In February, I started getting antsy and decided I wanted photos – I wanted to capture who we were, now, before we got married. I wanted to capture the love we feel for each other. I wanted to capture us.

Unfortunately, Minnesota has gotten a very limited amount of snow this winter leaving everything brown and dead-looking. Not picturesque. We tried to wait it out, hoping for a huge snow storm but got nothing.

So we did it anyway. We wanted very non-traditional. No hand-holding in a forest. No cheesy sitting next to each other, smiling & looking at the camera. No poses.

We went mid-week, after work. Instead of going to a park, or somewhere flowery, we went uptown. To the alleys. To the streets. To the restaurant where we had our first date.

And then, well, we just acted like us.

For more engagement photos, click HERE. Special thanks to Stuart, our photographer, who both Carlos and I highly recommend.

Wedding countdown: five months!

Spring has Sprung

And I’ve recently discovered the joy of boutique shopping. Only it hasn’t been quite as joyful these last couple weeks thanks to the slightly pudgier pudge around my midsection.

Interestingly, these dainty little shops with their whimsical vintage décor and distinctly feminine ambiance seem to cater only to those women whose proportions fall somewhere between the pixie-like Zoe Deschanel and the more buxom Scarlett Johansson. Any bigger than that, and you’re “so sorry, out of luck.”

The other day I’d popped into one of the boutiques on my frequent visitor list and found that they were having a ridiculously good sale. Sundresses marked down to $10-$14, and it wasn’t the run-of-the mill stuff you’d find at a department store. I went into the dressing room with two armfuls of garments with lace detailing, eyelet trim, open backs, and keyhole collars… and I walked out with nothing. It was so frustrating and, in the same moment, very motivating.

I can remember when I was at my heaviest weight, I’d see smaller women schlepping around in jeans and a baggy T-shirt and think “don’t they know they can wear anything!?” For the life of me, I couldn’t figure it out. I mean, I was wearing dull clothes because I had to, because Anthropolgie didn’t make dresses in a size 18 or 20. But I knew for darn sure that when I got small enough, I’d make sure every article of clothing I owned was something I really enjoyed wearing. Cultivating a sense of personal style is difficult when your options are limited (although there are many more plus-size fashion options than there used to be!), but once you find yourself in that “sweet spot,” shopping is suddenly much more fun. And so is getting dressed in the morning, for that matter.

So this one goes down on the list for me of fun reasons to stay focused…

Get back my boutique-sized bohiney!

One of my favorite finds!

You can follow me on Twitter @PFG_Elle

Time to move on…

Wednesday is a perfect day to start working for the week, don’t you think?

I really wanted to go back yesterday but after my doctors appointment, I still hadn’t showered and wanted to go home and clean up. By the time I ate lunch & showered, it was mid-afternoon so I just decided to stay home.

My doctors appointment went well – very well. Dr. Gervais said my incisions look really well! I have to wear the compression garment for two weeks which will be a little awkward since it is bulky but that’s the cost of surgery so I’m not complaining.

I have heavy swelling right above the incisions, especially toward my underarms. Hopefully this isn’t too graphic but here is a picture of my back:

There is clear tape over the incision, the darkish blackish stuff is dried blood trapped under (sorry, probably too detailed.) To help rid your mind of that photo, here is a photo from this past weekend when my nephew, Colton had come over. Colton wasn’t sure which toy Iggy wanted to play with so Colton piled all the toys up for Iggy to choose from:

I’ve spent a lot of time sitting in the chair with Iggy sprawled out by my feet sleeping…

and a candle glowing next to me while filling the air with a wild ginger scent.

I feel no pain in my back, none what soever. It makes me feel guilty, I’m not sure why. After a full day of work today, I’ll come home and sit in the chair the rest of the evening to try to balance out the day of movement.

I’m on limited activity for the next two weeks which is when my next check-up with Dr. Gervias is. I will go in on Thursday to meet with one of the nurses to have the tape removed but other than that, just try to stay still.

My boss and co-worker know about the surgery and have been very flexible and supportive during both surgeries. I’m looking forward to picking up now and moving forward through the next couple of weeks and months as Carlos and I get closer and closer to our wedding.

Until then, I’ll just keep taking it one day at a time.