Thank you all for your comments yesterday, even those who took the tough-love, no sugar-coating included approach.
Here’s the thing: I don’t meant this to sound snotty but I don’t need you telling me what to do because the truth is, I already know. {Stick with me, hear me out.}Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your comments. But I’d be fooling myself (and you) if I sat here and whined “boo hoo, I don’t know why I’m gaining weight. Please, someone help me!” The truth is, I already know what to do. The hard part is that this all boils down to ME. This is MY journey, MY blog and MY healthiness. It also means MY responsibility and MY blunder when I “screw up”. But I don’t think I “screwed-up.” This is my life, not some blogged story. I am fighting for my life. I gained weight. Yep. I did. It happens. But it isn’t the end of the world. It’s my life, it’s me I see when I look in the mirror. I am not perfect, I’ve never claimed to be perfect, nor have I ever wanted to be.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I am developing.
I am making mistakes.
And I am fighting.
Ah, to implement a plan or not to?
I loved Weight Watchers, I loved the meetings but I struggled when I found out I only paid for the on-line version, not the weekly meetings. The whole point in my joining was for the weekly accountability, the meetings. The fundamental concept of Weight Watchers is tracking and support/accountability. I know where my faults are, it is in my eating. My workouts have been consistent and on target:
You see that? I have 2.5 weeks of documented workouts under my belt and the month before that, 4-5 times each week of undocumented workouts.
If I’m getting my workouts in and being active, then it has to be my eating. Now I’m not runnin’ around eating fast food. And for as much as ya’ll think I eat out a lot, I really don’t. It’s only about once a week (twice if you count going out during for lunch, which is normally Subway.) It’s not my eating out – it is my grazing. My snacking. My constant little of this, little of that. All of this and that adds up.
I can tell you right now I’m not going to implement a serious plan or follow a rigid program. That has never been me. I’m never going to eat only chicken breasts, broccoli and brown rice. I cannot tell you right now what I’m going to do for the next four months because the truth is, I just need to do it. I already move, just need to eat less. It’s the easiest thing to write but the hardest thing to do consistently, time over time when the disordered eating is so engrained in me. 26 years of eating… four-ish years of trying to undo it.
I need to track.
Diligently. Attentively. Consistently. Honestly.
I’m still seeing my therapist and have been for awhile now but this takes time. We’ve been working on some deep-rooted issues I’ve had for a long time, the issues that seem to be so unconscious to me, I barely even recognize them. Only until I work through them can my eating issues be sorted out which could take years. That’s the hard part about being healthy is that it isn’t “cured” over night.
I loved your comments yesterday but the truth was, even before I hit publish, I already knew what I needed to do. I’m appreciative of your support but this is on me – I’m the only one that can do this. I’ve been here before. And I’m not giving up.
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post, Jen! I am constantly reminding myself that each choice is my own; I have to set things into action then own up to the results.
Very True Jen! I once read that food addiction is the hardest addiction to overcome because you have to eat to live, you can’t just quit, like smoking for example. We all have our struggles and that is what makes us who we are. I will keep fighting a good fight, and I know you will too
Love this!!!!
Tracking has been my downfall, when I stopped tracking I found that I started grazing. I am not a cow I do not need to have a little of this and that all the time.
I have moved away from an electronic tracking log and onto paper, where I have to actually look at it, feel it.
Keep going Jen, you can do this.
Exactly the reason that when I started my journey, I didn’t tell anyone. It was about my OWN drive, my own accountability. No gym buddy, no phone support…I tracked what I ate, I taught myself to run, I decided if I could move into smaller jeans. 65 pounds later, I’m still doing what I want to do. I’ve plateaued in a big way — I’d still like to lose 10-15 more, but this is my LIFE now. If I take weight off now, I’ll do it my way — just like I have been. My motto? Sh!t doesn’t shovel itself. (I have horses at home — clean up is a chore.) But it tells me that the gym won’t work ME out. *I* have to do it. It is there waiting for me. Getting there is the hardest part — once I’m warm and moving, I have trouble going home. Great blog, Jen. I love to read you.
I found your blog for the first time yesterday, and even with just one post I could see you do know what to do, so I did not comment. If you are alive, sometimes you go in directions you would rather not. You will get back on the right path.
You go, Jen! You will succeed!
Have you read the book Refuse to Regain by Barbara Berkely, MD?
I found it to be a great resource for weight maintenance.
Good luck. You are right, IMO. Diet is a huge part of maintenance. Good luck and safe travels on the weight maintenance path
You deserve it. We all deserve the work that maintenance takes. I love it when Dr Berkeley says “be tough, not moderate”.
KarenP
Jen,
I know you know what to do. I Love your post… My Fiance is doing Ideal Protein weight loss program. Better than weight watchers.. Google it and check it out. The meals are good. The deit works so you can get down to your ideal weight!! Then you maintain it.. I know it works she is loosing weight lke crazy. Not that she has too but she needs to get into that wedding dress by June..
Good Luck on what you decied to do. I know you will prevail you have a good head on your Shoulders.
Jen, I’m terrible when it comes to ‘walking the talk’. I KNOW what I should be doing and I am pretty good at analysing my own behaviour and knowing what I’m doing wrong…. but it’s the follow-through that’s the problem for me!
I completely understand where you’re coming from!
Deb
I’m like you (only much older)-a grazer.
I can’t out-exercise a poor diet. I’ve decided to get healthy and fit like it’s my career……like you, I choose to do it my way. Have a great spring, as it’s a beautiful time for renewal.
Snacks are/were my downfall too. I agree, you don’t have to be perfect; I think striving to be a perfect eater ultimately leads to overeating.
Plan or no plan? Why not consider coming up with your own plan? In my case, Weight Watchers induces too much anxiety causing me to overeat. So I implemented my own plan, perfectly tailored for me.
Why dont you join WW meetings?
Everytime I have a gain myself it’s a combination of snacking/eating too much at meal time. Without fail! I am working on becoming more mindful at all times of those things, and asking myself why I want to graze on junky food from time to time.
No answer yet but if I ever come up with one, maybe it will make me lots of money!
I am so glad you posted this. Frankly, I was appauled by some of the comments that were made before. A simple you can do this, you got this, big hugs, praying for you, or you have my support would have been sufficient. It never ceases to amaze me at how critical and judgmental people are and quick to negatively attack. You have done a phenominal job. I personally weigh 340ish. I used to weigh 380ish then I dropped to 280ish now I have regained. I also know my issues. But as you said it is my journey and it has taken a while to get here. I cannot expect it to change overnight.
I didn’t weigh in yesterday because I totally expected this post today. I believe in you Jenn.
I like the pun on “weigh in”
Good luck! Grazing and portion control are my problems too so I joined WW online. I also need more accountability than the online tools so I set a goal and put a weight loss ticker on my blog to help keep me accountable to myself and my (seven) readers.
You are right that this is YOUR journey, but don’t forget we’re all here to be your support network! Obviously we have different ideas of support, but we’re all supportive nontheless.
You are absolutely right….tracking is the key! You knew that
I joined weight watchers for 6 weeks and couldn’t believe what a huge difference it made for me. Counting calories is just as effective for lots of people, so whatever you choose, keep on keeping on – I know you will 
I was also a little turned off by some of those more “stern-old-condescending-librarian-peering-over-her-glasses-to-give-you-a-dirty-look” comments (yeah, maybe that didn’t make any sense, but that’s the first image I got when I read them, lol). I’m a teacher, and sometimes I have to take that tone with young students to get them to work harder, but I can’t use that tone with my adult students b/c we both know they know better–I don’t need to make them feel worse just to make myself feel better.
You obviously know what works for you–and everyone here should realize that we all struggle: no one is above it all.
I hate it when people try and tell me what to do. I think that anyone who has struggled with weight loss has learned all the methods of weight loss. We become experts in a sense. It’s not about not knowing how to lose weight but actually putting it in effect.
I started seeing a therapist this month, because like you said there are reasons and issues I need to work out in order for me to be successful at this.
Thank you for your honesty, again it makes me feel like I’m not alone.
I am so right there with you. It is 100% the food for me. Good for you for catching it early….my re-gain is 50lbs! I know what to do. And I know that includes going back to WW meetings. I have been trying to do it online for the past 2 years. I need the structure and the support of the meetings.
Good luck buddy…you got this. I know you do!
Fantastic post….i love how well you know yourself in all of these areas! I need work on knowing myself better (not to mention actually ‘liking’ myself, lol) to keep myself and this weight loss thing moving.
I haven’t read the comments from yesterday; i kinda don’t want to. Perhaps those comments were from folks who were trying to help…some times words that are written to help, well, don’t really sound too much like help.
I come here because i love your honesty. You know what you need to do. And i’m excited to be in your cheering section!!
You will do it!
(And that’s not eating out a lot. Trust me, I know!)
Cheers~
Loved this post.
Jen – Very well said! The realness of yesterday’s post and your response to the “critics” shows how strong of a person you are! This is just a minor bump in the road and I completely believe in your ability to continue on your journey and be successful!
Tracking for a while will help you get a grip on what you’re eating, when, why, etc. like you had back when you were losing. But without clearly defining rules for yourself and deciding to follow them, this will keep happening. I wish you luck, and hope that you’re able to make the choices you need to take it off and then maintain. You can track all day and night and still gain weight unless you choose your own ground rules and follow through.
Jen, keep working on it, but enjoy something/many things every day that aren’t food and weight-related. If a day wasn’t quite as “successful” re: your eating goals as you would like, continue to appreciate the day-to-dayness of life! You ARE a success!
Jen, there are so many things that are waaay easier to write but so very hard to actually put into practice. I know this, I’m in the same boat. I also understand you 100% about the therapy. I too, see a counselor and honestly, if i could see her every day of every week for the rest of my life, i would be happy! I’m not one of those people that feels shy or embarrassed to tell people I see a counselor. A year ago, maybe, but, now that I’ve been going consistantly the benefits and the many ways my life has changed since I’ve started are too numerous to even begin to start.
However, like you, I’ve found that there are many things that have been and some that still are, buried very deep. So deep I had no clue they were even affecting me. These are the things that I’m finding are crucial to getting my life back on track. I’ve been “just starting” my weight loss endeavors for years now, since my daughter was born 17 years ago! I’ve started and stopped Weight Watchers so many times! Each time I started over, I went to different centers because I was too embarrassed to go back where I’d failed the last time…until now. I started WW again back in the middle of Dec, was consistant for awhile but got really sick and had to stop. When I was ready, I went back, to the same place, with my head held high. Then I stopped, again, because I thought the dreaded “I don’t need them, I can do this myself” line. I figured I’ve been there so many damn times, I should be able to do this alone. Guess what?? I can’t. So Saturday morning, I marched my little-to-large hiney back into the SAME WW center and joined, again. And I’ll join again over and over as many times as it takes to get me to where I need to be.
Why should I, or you, be embarrassed or frustrated by our slips. We recognize them don’t we? Isn’t that the first step to making changes? Yup! You said it yourself, you know what to do. When you stop judging yourself and put away the frustrations, you’ll get right back on track because then you’ll be ready. You’ll be ready to be the Jen that many people care so much about, but you’ll only have success when you see that you’ve started to care about yourself.
Bridgette
Yikes, I’m sooo sorry that was so long!!!!
Hey now, there’s nothing wrong with chicken breasts, broccoli and brown rice (or other foods that may fall in to the healthy and high nutrient class). Are you going to eat for your body, for your mind/senses or for your emotions? Not that they are mutually exclusive, but the choice is yours. There is no right answer. You will reap what you sow and you should find pleasure in your results, whatever they may be.
Good for you, Jen!! I, too, gained… and felt very much like a failure. But, then, I, too, know what I need to do. It is like an upward spiral. Our current low is what used to be a high for us. and what is a high point for us now will be a low point for us in the future… we are slowly moving upward the whole time, though!! I wish you all the best as you forge ahead and do that, which you need to in order to get back to your goal weight
If anyone can ~ you can do it!!
You are absolutely right. The only person that can do anything is us. In fact when people in the past have told me what to do it somehow sets me off in the opposite direction. I have alwyas been that way. It’s only when I choose my own path that I have any success. You’ve really done already amazing things and I think you’re a huge inspiration!
You and I sound a lot alike! I exercise four times a week, but still have managed to gain back over 40 lbs. Now, I am once again getting back in the saddle and monitoring what I eat. I don’t need to eat after the kids go to bed, I don’t need that piece of candy, I don’t need something to munch on because I am bored!
My goal is to lose 20lbs before I turn 40 on April 18. I am down 6.6lbs. Slow going, but I do not want to give up!
Great post. Thanks for sharing your honest feelings. You are a TRUE inspiration for so many of us!
This is the hard part now… the part that we all think will never happen to us (especially at the beginning when the weight is just falling off) and always does.
You know what you need to do… and I honestly think you have a very healthy attitude about it.
You will find therapy to be your best tool now. It has been for me… good luck and God Bless and I know you have this licked. ((hugs))
Second attempt at posting a comment.
I can completely relate to everything that you’ve said above.
I had a moment of clarity in early January where I realised I am the one that has to make the changes. No one else can do it for me. It’s all about me etc.
I have to say that your blogs are a constant source of inspiration and I hope you don’t mind but I used your exercise spread sheet from your Accountability blog to create my own (I hope you don’t mind). I have managed to exercise heaps this week based on my own spread sheet. It’s incredible that I have stuck to it.
So thank you