I have a lot to tell you this week.
This dating business is harder than it seems and, in some ways, easier than it seems. So much of it comes naturally once you get started – you sort of know what to say, you know what to do, you know how to play your part.
But what about the awkward conversation where you tell him you used to be fat? What do you do you when you realize that maybe your boundaries are different than his boundaries? What do you do when you feel like maybe you’d be better as friends than “lovers,” and who gets to make that call? And how do you do it with respect and compassion?
An instruction manual on relationships would be awfully useful right about now. I’m a little late to the game and my skills are…ah, probably not on par with others my age who have been doing this for the last 15 years or so.
I had to sort through some of those things this weekend (and I’m still sorting). I wish I could just date without having to think about any of those things, ever. But that’s not realistic. And I’m having fun, so it’s not like I’d rather go back to sitting in front of my TV on a Friday night in my sweats trying not to think about the fact that I have no life. I just have to figure out how to have fun, and at the same time make sure I’m being considerate of the other party… i.e, not leading on, being honest about who I am… basically treat them the way I’d like to be treated.
The other challenge? How do you enjoy going on dates without worrying about the menu options? Honestly, that’s one of the trickiest things. I don’t want to panic when he says “I’m feeling a burger,” and I don’t want to be lame and order a side salad when he takes me out somewhere really nice. I want to enjoy the whole experience and let the food just be the food… but it’s hard when I also have this little voice in the back of my head yelling at me about what the scale will do if I indulge.
I wanted it to be so much simpler than this! Anyway, should be a good week of posts – goodness knows I’ve got the material to write something every day.
Oh, and before I forget, the scale did show 160 this morning. Curses. It’s ok though, I’m not panicking… I’m just going to go home and run 1o miles. Or maybe more like
two one. Yeah, I’m thinking a one mile run should be good.