Tangent

“If you are not making the progress that you would like to make and are capable of making, it is simply because your goals are not clearly defined.” ~ Paul J. Meyer

This quote could not be more perfect to describe my weight loss journey standstill.

First I’d just like to say thanks to those of your who continue to read, regardless of what I’m writing. I know I personally, like reading blogs that let me peek into the readers life… and I understand that not everyone else likes that. Many people want to read just about what the blog is “supposed” to be about.

I also understand that this blog, this is my place on the web to just write. About whatever I want. And I hate to be rude, but the only thing I can say to readers who don’t enjoy my writing is, don’t read it.Β  And really, that’s not me trying to be rude.. but think about it, why read something that only irritates you?Β  Life is too short. Skim or skip a blog post that I write if it doesn’t interest you. No hard feelings. I understand when I gush about my dog or my nephew… some people don’t want to read that, but this is my life, my loves, my blog.

Jen asked me to blog here at PFG based on my old blog.. which was just like this blog – a mash up of my life. What you see, is what you get.

That being said.. let’s talk weight loss for a moment. It’s clear, I’m not losing. Jen and I have talked about this in the past and she’s asked me to write about what I’m about to say, but at the time, I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to “step on any toes”. Well, now… I’m ready.

Many people (read: mainly anonymous commenters) are very curious as to why I’m not losing weight. My answer is simple and you may not like it. But my answer is:Β  I’M HAPPY.

Here’s the part where I don’t want to step on any toes. It seems to me that many people who embark on a weight loss journey do so because they are unhappy. Miserable, in fact. And while I’m not thrilled about my weight.. I have NEVER hated myself. I’ve never been a miserable person. Of course, I have my days where something isn’t fitting right and I get pissed off and upset, but I would say a majority of the time, I like who I am. I wanted to lose weight because I know it’s a smart decision… I wanted to be healthy. I still do.Β  But me, unlike many of you weight loss super stars out there, I still sometimes let the excuses win. I know I shouldn’t… we all know to lose weight you have to be diciplined. And I’m not as diciplined as I need to be. I get that and I don’t need rude people telling me so.

To be extremely honest, while I love blogging (most of the time) there have been points in the past several months where it’s felt like a bit of a chore because I know what’s “expected” of me from the readers as a PriorFatGirl. Jen has NEVER laid down any expectations for me as far as losing weight goes. She’s always just told me to share my journey as I see fit.

Truth is, I’m happy. If you’ve met me.. you can probably tell that I’m a happy person. And maybe if I had hit that “rock bottom” like so many other bloggers that I read, I’d be down closer to my “goal weight” (which is still undefined)… but I haven’t. I was raised to love myself… and I do. And in most areas of life, that is an awesome thing – but it seems like when it comes to weight loss, at some point, you just have to be so unhappy that you change it.

People have said to me, “maybe you just don’t want it bad enough” – and you know what.. you might be right.

That’s not to say I’m going to start eating large pizzas and gallons of ice cream in my spare time. I need to make small changes, I know that.. but then you need to realize, I’m not going to lose 10 pounds over night.

This journey has become increasingly difficult for me. Not only because I’m not losing weight (I don’t expect to be), but because I know I’m being judged. It hurts. No matter who you are, it hurts to be judged. I suppose I sort of put myself out there to be judged, but I just want you to know… hurtful comments, e-mails, whatever… they don’t motivate me, they simple push me away from this community. A place that I once thought of as only supportive has become a not so happy place for me.

I’m sure this blog post is just ridiculous because I’ve just been letting it flow from my fingertips with really no rhyme or reason, but these are my thoughts.. and with all of that being said, the only thing I have left to say is, support me or don’t… I’m happy with the person that I am. And I’m sorry I’m not losing the amount of weight that you think I should be. I’m not in this for the numbers, for the hits my page gets.. none of that is the driving force for why I write. I write because I liked to. And I’m sincerely hoping I can find that happy place again… the place where it was fun to blog. It was fun to read what people had to say. Because right now, I dread opening my e-mail in fear that I’ll have someone telling me I’m not living up to THEIR standard of who I should be.

I started this journey at over 225 pounds. That sickens me to say type. You may not think a weigh in of 213 is something to celebrate.. and that’s fine. But I know no matter what, I will never have to say I’m 225 pounds again. And someday… even if it’s not according to some peoples time line for me, I won’t be 213 anymore. And someday, I will be healthier. And I’ll do it all on my own time line. And I’ll know that the number on the scale isn’t a defining factor for who I am as a person. And I’ll love myself no matter what the scale says or how people say I should feel for weighing a certain amount. I know who I am, and I like who I am.. no matter what the scale, or the naysayers, have to say about it.

Haters gonna hate. πŸ˜‰ (Haha! Just had to throw that out there)

Comments

  1. This journey (and blog) are yours to be traveled and used as you need and want. What those anonymous people think doesn’t matter. The ONLY one that matters is YOU. I’m sure if the truth were known, those people have areas in their lives where they are not living up to the standards that OTHER people set for them. If they weren’t ashamed of who they are, they wouldn’t be hiding behind “ANONYMOUS”. It’s easy to take shots when they hide so no one can see the not so perfect areas of their lives.

  2. Lindsay,
    I’ve always enjoyed reading your blog, whether you’re writing about weight loss or your family…or whatever! Just wanted to let you know that, so keep on doing it! πŸ™‚ You’re figuring out your own way on this journey and while it may not be what others think is right, well…it’s not their life, is it? πŸ™‚

  3. I have so much respect for this attitude – I think there is a fine line between motivation and obsession, and if you’re happy that’s much more important than strangers on the internet wanting to be entertained by a different kind of blog post.

    And you weren’t rude – you
    are just tellinng it like it is. Rock on.

  4. Girlfriend- you just gotta do what’s good for you. When you’re ready to start tackling the weight loss beast again we’ll all be there cheering you on. And honestly … who wants to read about weight loss ALL of the time?! All the other stuff (fam, friends, puppies) make it more interesting!

  5. I always enjoy reading your blog but actually my least favorite posts where the ones about weight loss because they seemed insincere about what you wanted. This is one of your best post because it is so completely honest. I think there are many of us who support whatever works best for you in your life right now. So as long as you keep writing about what’s right for you then I’ll be here reading!

  6. I feel bad now for not really commenting much because I always enjoy your blog and am sad that haters have you dreading opening your email. I love the happy vibe your blog has, and what matters more than anything is that YOU are happy where you are. Keep writing for you.

  7. Hi friend! I think you wrote that perfectly! Just like you have talked about before. Just be happy, always! No judging here, sending lots of love and *hugs* !!

    Miss you,
    xoxo
    Sabrina, BBF

  8. I have never commented before but read alot. I applaud you for your honesty and for being so aware of yourself and your body and loving YOU they way you are. My weight loss has stalled too – because I decided that this time, I needed to learn to love myself first. Just the way I am. I make an effort to make myself feel good everyday and I know that pretty soon, the weight will start coming off again because I will be listening to what my body needs.

    Continue to be true to yourself!

  9. Janelle says:

    Hi Lindsay,

    I totally agree with what all of the previous commenters said- you are being a great example of not letting weight loss consume you. Because, I know you want to be healthy and that includes mentally :). I too, like reading about other happenings in your life including really exciting events like a trip to NYC! I am so happy you are happy and that you were raised to love yourself. You make a great point that many of us are not happy and think that weight loss will do the trick only to find that it isn’t the only thing we should have been working on. All this is a long winded way to say…I support you!

  10. Hi Lindsay,
    I’m a stalker…I admit it. Never have posted a comment on your blog here, but I just have to say who in the world sends these types of emails to you??? I would NEVER in a million years feel it’s ok for me to send some negative, judgemental email to someone I don’t know, having only met them through their blog!?!?!? (I would never send an email like that to anyone actually.) That’s crazy. These people are not bright or NICE…plain and simple! You are living YOUR life. It doesn’t matter what WE think. My recommendation the next time you see an email from someone that starts out negatively….”DELETE, DELETE, DELETE”. Don’t even read it. You have to protect yourself in this because nobody else can. We love you and want you to keep writing!

  11. As long as you are happy, that is all that really matters. What some anonymous strangers says in a comment shouldn’t affect how you feel about YOUR journey. This is your space to do and say whatever you want and you shouldn’t let anyone take that away from you. Keep smiling and being happy and continue entertaining us with the stories of your life. Just continue being you. Rock on!

  12. I haven’t really commented before either, but I’ve followed your blog for months now. You are right; this journey is about YOU, not these other people who feel the need to judge. You are always such a joy to follow and hopefully you’ll be able to see that in all of our comments. Keep doing what you’re doing, it’s far more important to love yourself than to lose weight to make others happy!

  13. Lindsay,
    You’re journey is what you make of it. If you’re happy, than you’re happy. No one can take that away from you. This is your blog. End of story. People write mean things because they are miserable. They are jealous that you were asked to blog on a really popular site. Haters are gonna hate. Just like you said, I love reading about your shenanigans and when you post pictures of Dexter. It just proves that you are a real person and regardless if you’re losing or not, you’re happy and trying to live a healthier life. I’m proud of you as you should be too.

    -Amary

  14. Who’s sending you negative comments? We’ll beat them down!!!

    Ok, seriously, I love your blog posts. I love the ones about weight loss, and the ones about your family. I love reading about trips to NYC and South Dakota and about days spent at home.

    You’re absolutely right in saying that if they don’t like your blog then they shouldn’t read it. You know I’ve had my issues with different blogs, and I finally just had to make the call to stop reading them. It wasn’t worth my time, and it wasn’t helpful to rant and rave at someone else.

    These people need to remember that you’re not Jen or Ali or Elle, and just because they might like those ladies (or JP), they might not like you. Or, by the same token, they might love you and not like the others.

    I’m glad you shared your feelings, and I’m happy that you’re happy. Know that you have a huge support network here, even if there are negative nancys out there!

  15. I truly believe everyone has their “defining moment”. And truly, maybe you’ve had yours but it’s different than others. You’ve done things others haven’t, that I haven’t. I’m inspired by your 5K. And that inspiration doesn’t fade simply because you aren’t losing 5 pounds a week or whatever people might expect of you. You are participating in life. If you’re happy, then anybody who follows you, should also be happy FOR you. Otherwise they have the choice to just not read. I think too many people are looking for heroes instead of being their own hero. I know I’m very guilty of that.

    I’ve had my defining moment, and I had a great jump off to a journey, and now I’m at a standstill, but I truly believe this time is the time it’s going to happen, it just isn’t going to happen according to the crazy expectations I used to have.

    Like you, I’ve been (mostly) happy. I lived life at 270-280 for nearly 10 years, and the stuff that overweight people sometimes complain about never really bothered me. I dated (hot hot men, truly). I had great friends. I ballooned up to 320 and met an amazing man, a man who, 15 years ago, was dating models and “beautiful” women. And he chose me, and I’m SO happy with him. He’s gorgeous, and he wanted ME. I like myself.

    But I realized I may not have loved myself, and that is what jumpstarted everything, the realization that I had completely let go of control, that I was still mostly happy, but I was gonna die if I didn’t get control of it and NOW. I also was told that the stillbirth of my son was most likely caused by my weight. That is something I never want to go through again. I want babies, healthy ones, and I know women have healthy babies at every size, but I’m too scared to try again at this size. I won’t let myself until I’ve lost at least 100 pounds.

    These journeys are ours. We choose to allow other people to follow along, and for that we’re either very brave or very crazy. Everyone has an opinion, and I believe that sharing our journey is important because I believe this life is about people, about community, but it’s also about loving ourselves and knowing when to tell people to take a hike.

    I hope you stick around. I hope you continue to share your life with us. And I hope that the haters will figure out what’s broken in them that they’re expecting to fix because of your “perfect” journey.

    I’m glad you’re happy. That’s how it should be.

  16. You, my friend, are amazing.

    Thank you.
    This dose of reality was VERY welcome.
    I have been having my own “crisis of blog identity” lately… and I am just beginning to think that I might be finding out who I am!

    Hang in there, girly… and STAY HAPPY!!!

  17. STANDING UP AND APPLAUDING!
    Lindsay, I love you and your blog. I love learning about different aspects of your life. I love reading whatever you choose to write about. I have similar feelings about my weightloss. I don’t hate myself or my body. I want to be healthier and I’m working on that. But I don’t feel like I have to beat myself up or stop living. I don’t want to compare myself with others. I want to encourage you to keep enjoying your life and blogging about whatever you want. I’ll be reading : )

  18. Good for you Lindsay!! Your blog and your journey are just that….YOURS. Not anyone else’s. I love seeing someone write about the fact that they haven’t lost weight and they are fine with it. The negative commenters and emailers are just playing into the stereotype that you can’t be happy until you lose weight which is ridiculous!! I love reading about your family, friends, and especially that adorable little Dexter!! It makes your readers feel more connected to you. I hope you get back the warm fuzzy feeling from blogging because there is a lot of us that enjoy reading about YOUR journey. Like you said, if people don’t like it they don’t have to read it!!

  19. YOU. GO. GIRL!

    You are awesome at just being you…and this is YOUR journey…how you choose to get there is between you and YOU. Just promise to not go away πŸ™‚

  20. I’ve always thought the blogging community was so supportive, and it’s awful to hear that you’ve have some less than stellar support. Shame on them! Celebrate your victories, and do this healthiness journey on your own terms. And stay happy!

  21. Sometimes I have this same issue. With exception to my weight, I really am pretty Happy, and that can keep me from staying focused (a lot). But no hate here, you just be your fabulous self and we’ll cheer all your victories along with you!

  22. Kristen says:

    Lindsay, thank you for writing this. I, too, feel like maybe there is something wrong with me because I’m overweight and happy. Of course I’d like to be skinnier, but for the most part – I’m healthy. And I also have no skeletons in my past on which to base my current weight debacle. Just genetics and a love for food, I guess. Keep on truckin’, lady!

  23. I totally get where you are at! I have played around with the same 10lbs or so for a year now…well a little more than a year. It can be very frustrating but you know what, I didnt gain it all back. Progress is progress no matter how slow it is. You can do this!

  24. First off – hellz yeah! I have indeed been fortunate enough to have met you in person, and you are happy and you make the people around you happy. I am so glad that you put your thoughts out there on this subject. I love reading your blog and I love hearing about all aspects of your life. Reading/writing about weight loss ALL OF THE TIME is not interesting. I have found that I actually need to incorporate more of the “other stuff” on my own blog. A lot of people out there have a “healthy” life and are the perfect weight but they are still miserable. It’s all about finding the balance. I am glad you are here and I hope you stick with it. Let’s do another 5K this summer!

  25. Lindsay this is so honest and I love it. I can totally relate to where you are coming from. Techinically, I am overweight and I need to lose 20 lbs. But I am healthy–I eat healthy (ok, 85% of the time), get plenty of excercise and every time I go to the dr I get a clean bill of health. I have a man that loves me and I love myself very much. As long as I have my health, I don’t feel pressured to be “perfect”.

  26. I love it Lindsay!
    Isn’t being happy what we all want really? We think losing weight will make us happy but you know what it might not!
    I’m working on being happy and it’s so nice to read a post that admits it.
    You should be happy and don’t feel judged about it, you don’t need our comments to validate your feelings and that is fantastic!
    Keep up the happy!

  27. Hi Lindsey! Like so many others, I read ALL the time, but I never comment. Why are people so ready to throw out insults but never compliments?? That seems to be really common.
    THANK YOU for your blog. Please dont stop writing. Know that there are so many of us who love reading it, just the way it is. Write for you, and it will make your writing better.
    Your positive attitude is something a lot of people could learn from. Keep it up!

  28. Do you want to know why I enjoy reading what you write? Why yours is one of the first I read in Google reader? Because you’re real. Your average Overweight Jane doesnt lose weight *poof*. It’s hard!
    I like reading from someone who is “struggling” the same way I am. (I use “” because like you said, I’m happy. Would I like to weigh less. Sure. Would I like to way more? Hell to the no. Do I hate myself in the mirror? NO!)
    So keep being you! And thank you for being real!

  29. Well said girl!

    I am a silent follower as well…I actually admired that while you weren’t losing big numbers each week – you still showed up for everyone at priorfatgirl!

    Weight loss is a LIFE journey. Our lives influence every decision we make- you life matters lindsey! Along the same theme of what everyone else is saying here-I look forward to reading what you all so generously share!

    Patty

    Ps-if you would like a gy buddy-we go to the same place-email me and we can get sweaty!

  30. I just found this blog, and with it your blog post. Can I just say that every journey is individual by nature? That 2 people can walk down the same road, at the same time, and have 2 very different experiences. If somebody wants to go all gung-ho and spend 4 hours a day in the gym, eating nothing but lean meats and veggies…well, God help them, but to each their own. If you look in the mirror and you say, I’m 213lbs, I don’t want to be this weight and so I will walk towards my goal of being healthier…if ever so slowly…well then, at least you’re walking towards that goal, right? In my, ever so sincere, opinion…I think you’re actually a step ahead of the rest. Who wants happiness to be defined by pants size? Or a number on a scale?

  31. danielle says:

    I don’t know why some people are mean. I don’t know why some people feel the need to tear others down just so they can feel built up. Hating and criticizing take time and energy that could be used much more productively. Can’t we all just get along? Lindsay, your blog is great! I love reading about your life and your adventures. I cheer for you when life goes your way and pray for you when life gets you down. I love to read about your friends, your family, Adam, and Dexter. Write what you want – I know I’ll keep reading.

  32. Dukebdc says:

    To hear that you are happy with yourself right now, makes me happy. I would love to trade with you–I am a normal weight and BMI, but still hate the way I look and pick myself apart daily. It’s a vicious cycle, and at this point for me, it’s all mental. I am so glad to hear that you are happy, content and loving life. And I’m sure that cutie-pie Dexter helps with that. πŸ™‚

    And though I can’t excuse the rude people who email/comment, I bet some people are simply concerned about you. They look back at themselves at your age and think, “if only I had lost the weight when I was young!” Your life will get busier and more complicated in the next decade, so perhaps some people are just concerned that the next life change will delay your journey again, and again. But as I said before, there’s no excuse for people to be rude and judgemental because you haven’t lost X pounds in X years.

    Keep it up! πŸ™‚

  33. I waited to reply until today because I wanted everyone else to respond… you know what I think and I love you even more for taking the time to write about it. um… can I say I like reading your blog and miss you?

  34. That’s my girl!
    You are a wonderful, beautiful person and as long as YOU know that, that is all that matters.
    I love you!
    mom

  35. Lindsay, I can actually really identify with what you are saying, I’m happy too, I love myself, too…I believe that’s why my weight goes down slowly, or not at all over the years, because yeah while I might be frustrated when a pair of pants won’t fit, I blow it off pretty quickly. The reason I’m losing now is because I’ve found something in my life that I like doing, I like learning to run and I like lifting weights, and I like my trainer and I like the feeling it gives me, I’m not doing it to lose weight, that just happens to be a side effect. I can only do what I like and only HAVE to do what I like…same for you, do what you like, do what you LOVE, say what you want to say…I think you’re awesome πŸ™‚

  36. Aww…you are such a sensitive soul! I can totally relate – I want EVERYONE to be happy with me at all times! I can have 99% love and 1% negativity, but that 1% will gnaw at me indefinitely. This is horrible – why do we do this to ourselves?! The truth is (as much as it sucks) that no matter what you say or do, you will not please everyone. In all fairness, I doubt that the “downer” commentors ever imagined that their words would create so much stress for you (please understand – I am certainly not endorsing them), but you really have to let that go…I know – easier said than done! Focus instead on all the POSITIVE feedback (and from what I am seeing, you are very loved). πŸ™‚ I, for one, find you very inspiring & love hearing the stories about your life! So, you are not yet at your weight loss goal – you haven’t given up & you HAVE been doing some wonderful things, right? Hang in there, girl!

    (Oh, my – epic comment – I apologize for the length…)

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