Let the record show that I am not a teetotaler. When I go to a Rangers game, I sure do want to eat a hot dog and crack open an ice cold beer. At the end of a long hard day, I love to sit back and sip a nice glass of wine to take the edge off. I don’t have anything against alcohol. I also don’t have anything against people who chose to abstain from drinking. These are personal decisions, and to each his own. As Jen, A PriorFatGirl so aptly puts it – “My body, my decision. Your body, your decision.”
Now, that having been said, let’s just have a real honest little chat about my less than glamorous experience in Uptown a couple weeks ago. The urban meet-n-greet-n-get-way-too-friendly-way-too-fast scene known as “the bars,” was, as I’ve already said, a relatively unexplored territory for me. Had I done it before? Sure. Had I ever enjoyed it? Heck no. I was always the girl who ended up having some inebriated goober wander my way to ask the inevitable “Hey, izzatyerfrind? Sheeees so hot. Can I.. dooooya think I havachanz? Can, can you tellerIthinksheezhot?” I once was at a bar with a group of girlfriends and some random guy bought shots and had them delivered to everyone I was with. Everyone except me. Awkward much?
Suffice it to say, when invitations for a night on the town go out, I generally make it a practice to be busy re-organizing my sock drawer. But hey, it’s time to try new things right? Throw caution to the wind. Put on the war-paint we call makeup and head out to get mah par-tay on. We started the night at the far end of the Uptown strip at a well-known karaoke bar. That was actually pretty fun. The entertainment was beautifully bad, everyone was fresh and in good spirits. We all ordered drinks and caught up on the weeks events and made fun of the guy doing his best to belt out a really warped version of a current pop song.
After we’d finished the first drink and the initial mingling had been taken care of, we moseyed on down the street to a more crowded pub. Now, when I say crowded, I’m being pretty generous. Generally speaking, I like to believe (perhaps naively) that I own a certain amount of air space around my head. My air, my air particles. I don’t particularly want to share them with you, and if you’re taller than me, I definitely don’t want to be sharing my air with your armpits.
By the time we finally squeezed our way through the deck and up to the bar, I was already starting to feel tense. When everyone started ordering their next rounds, I realized that someone needed to be the designated driver. The bar tender leaned over the sticky wooden counter to get close to my face. He wiped the back of his hand across a sweaty forehead and then wiped his nose. “WHAT CAN I GET YOU!!??” he bellowed.
“Water,” I said dryly.
“WATER?” he rolled his eyes. With his tainted hand, he grabbed a tumbler and tossed three ice cubes into it. Then he grabbed the soda hose and filled it about halfway up. He picked up the tumbler and forcefully slammed it down in front of me. About half of what had been in there sloshed out the side, and the haphazardly placed lemon fell off the edge of the glass. By the time I looked up from the damage, he was long gone. I grabbed what was left of my “drink” and walked over to join my friends. Since there was no seating available, they had stationed themselves near the door in a tight little circle. I squeezed in between two of my friends.
“WHATDIDYOUGETTODRINK?
“I got a water.”
“WHO’S HOTTER!?”
“Oh, nope. Not what I said. Nobody’s hotter. I said I got water.”
To be fair, we were having some good laughs at that point. There were a few funny stories that got told – inside joke type of things that everyone is already familiar with. It pretty quickly devolved into everyone just staring at each other and smiling though. The louder it got, the harder it was to hear each other. Thirty minutes later, we had put down our glasses and were making our way to bar number three. I think my fun-meter had peaked earlier in the evening. Old Lady that I am, I kind of wanted to be in bed by now. I started to have an inkling that maybe this just wasn’t my bag.
Bar number three turned out to be another karaoke bar. Only in this one, the music was ear-splitting loud. (Admittedly, I am a misfit in my generation. I hate super loud music. The only time I really enjoy it is if I’m rocking out in my car for a limited amount of time.) I drank another glass of water. Liquid courage had set in, and we were introducing ourselves to the people around us. Karaoke was quickly becoming a team sport. During a particularly deafening chorus of “I’ve Got Friends In Low Places,” I excused myself to sidle up to the bar for a refill on my agua. Suddenly, a beefy arm from out of nowhere was smashed up against mine. I could feel my air particles being sucked away. I turned my head to look at the intruder.
“Hiiiyaaayyiii. Pretty lady. Yer a prettylady.”
“Ok, thank you.” I turned back to the bartender.
“Hey, did I tell you that you are sssthhhsssththsooooo beautiful?” As he slurred out the “s,” spittle flew from his mouth and onto my cheek. I wiped it away with one hand and turned to face him again.
“Can I buy you a drink? I love to buy beautiful ladiessssththhssss a drink.”
Ok, first of all, you spit on me. Game over. Second of all, I’m pretty sure you’d propose to a pineapple right now if I put one in front of you and told you it’s name was Lisa. So why don’t you take your crazy eyes and go dance with that ficus tree in the corner and leave me the heck alone.
“No thanks. I’m the designated driver tonight.”
It seemed like the night went on forever. My hair and clothing had started to reek of cigarette smoke. By the time everyone agreed they were tired and it was time to go home, I couldn’t have been more relieved.
All in all, here’s what I discovered about myself that night:
- Drinking to excess reminds me a lot of eating to excess. I’ve fought hard to learn how to enjoy good things in normal, healthy doses, and that goes for everything I put into my body. If I can see that it doesn’t make sense to devour an entire pan of brownies, why would I think it’s ok to inhale 5,6,7,10,12 alcoholic drinks?
- My air particles, not yours. Definitely not your armpits’. Nuff said.
- If you have to be drunk to find me attractive, I have a hard time being flattered by your advances.
- I’ve worked hella hard to get my body into this shape. I know exactly how many veggies, how many nights and weekends at the gym, how many drops of sweat, how many pulled muscles, how many stupid trees, how many dollars spent on trainers, tears shed over crumbled self-esteem, and hours spent sifting through my “thought life” and retraining my mind to focus on truth and positive thoughts it took to get my body to where it is now. This body is the product of hard work. And you don’t get to just touch it for free. So back off Jack. Do not slide up behind me and try to put your hands in places where they don’t belong. Get sober. Ask me on a proper date. Take me out for dinner. Ask me about my interests. Treat me like a lady. Appreciate my mind. THEN we can talk about you appreciating my body.
- I didn’t feel any better about myself as a result of that experience. But I did smell like a dirty ashtray when I went to bed.
- For a lot of people, the bar scene is where it’s at, and that’s cool. More power to you. For me, not so much. Live and learn, and then blog about it.
One more thing – I didn’t always see things this way. Experience is a great teacher. I’ve arrived at these conclusions because I have made the mistake of not respecting myself or my body in the past. Some lessons are learned the hard way.
You can follow me @LDunkster
Thank You Jen!
This post is what goes on in my head every time I try to go to bars & clubs.
I hate it but feel I should as all my friends go and I should try fit in and be ‘normal’. But if this is what is normal I’d prefer not to be!
I also don’t want to transfer my compulsive eating to that of drinking and as you’ve said it takes hard work to know your body and what it took to get where you currently are.
I cannot thank you enough for writing this post. I have re-read it twice in 5 minutes and want to read it again!
“I have re-read it twice in 5 minutes and want to read it again!”
I encourage you to do so. This time, pay more careful attention to the byline. Hint: It wasn’t Jen.
Elle, I can totally relate to your experience. In my case, it was simply a matter of “outgrowing” that scene. It got to a point where it just wasn’t fun. And totalling up the dollars and calories at the end of the night made me sick.
I eventually realized I actually prefer a nice, quiet night at home, drinking a few (far more reasonably priced) beers and watching a movie with my wife.
On the rare occassions when we do go out, I much prefer a nice pub. It’s not so loud that you can’t talk, there’s usually more than enough seating, and you don’t have to worry about drunk kids spilling their drink on you.
Oh, and around here, smoking in bars and restaurants is banned, so that’s nice too. Hopefully this trend will continue spreading until everyone is able to enjoy a night out without coming home with burning eyes and smelly clothes.
I’m sorry Elle. I didn’t realise others posted on this blog. I hope I didn’t offend you.
Don’t be ridiculous. No offense taken! I’m just glad for the readership.
Thanks Elle!
Hi Kevin.
Although I do appreciate you pointing it out to me I felt your reply was a little uncalled for, you could have told me a nicer way.
Its nice you relate to Elle’s post as I did.
Angie
Sorry, Angie – you’re right, I could have been a little more diplomatic about it. It just seemed disingenuous that you said you’d read it twice, yet didn’t even notice who the author was. Some selfish bloggers “comment-spam” on other sites, just to get links back to their own blog out there, and don’t even bother reading the actual articles. I was a little too quick to lump you into that category, and I do sincerely apologize. I hope you stick around for Elle’s other posts, she’s a really great and engaging writer.
Thanks for the love Kevin. Your comments are always thoughtful, and always candid. I remember when you told me that my two-a-days weren’t working. It wasn’t warm and fuzzy, but it WAS constructive. And I consider it a sign of respect that you care enough to engage in a respectful way.
Anyway, all that to say… thanks for being a reader.
Hi Kevin (and Elle).
I understand where you are coming from and I also was quick to reply. I am new to the blogging world and only found this specific blog a few days ago and had not had time to go through all of it. I have now seen the page that shows all the priorfatgirls and think it is great way to blog.
I like that you are supportive of the blogs you read and I can only hope to have readers like that.
Thank you for the apology and I also apologise to you as I you taught me something today. That is to slow down my reading of post and also replying and also that there are some not so good people who spam (I did not know that happened, maybe a bit naive of me).
I look forward to reading future posts from Elle, Jen and all the Priorfatgirls and also your comments Kevin.
Good for you. On all points. It takes some people years and years to realize what you have. I’m specifically talking about both your realization of what is and isn’t fun for you and point number four “you don’t get to touch it for free – appreciate my mind”. So many people would lose a little bit of their mind with all the new found attention. You seem to be hanging on to it AND your sense of self.
Thank you! It is so glad you posted this! I actually used to think that I enjoyed going out in similar situations, making myself believe it was fun. I thought since I was out with friends it must be fun. In truth it wasn’t my cup of tea and still isn’t. I really don’t understand how people actually find significant others in these situations!
You sound about the same as myself on the alcohol deal. The only bar we go to in Uptown is the Ginger Man. It is the most unpretentious place, basically a really neat two-story house with a front patio and a huge back patio with common tables and such. I think you might like it a bit better. Sorry your night was not-so-great, but at least you gave it a shot.
This is AWESOME! best post ever. I feel like forwarding it to some of my girlfriends who get annoyed by my “no-thanks-I’m-driving” or simply “no-thanks” (while in my head I’m calculating all the points in alcohol and sugary mixers that they’ve inhaled & know i ran/worked out too damn hard to upset the balance just to get drunk and be hungover the next morning).
Being surrounded by drunk people is only fun when you’re drunk too. When I’m sober surrounded by drunks i just end up getting super annoyed with them.
Wow
…
Longest comment ever. Great post, Elle!
Elle – I LOVE reading your posts. You make them so fun and REAL. Thank you!
LOL “propose to a pineapple right now” – still laughin my arse off – great post! HHAHAHA!
Like everyone else, LOVED this post! I totally share your sentiments.
What I’ve found to be frequently disheartening is how when you finally stand by your own preferences (i.e. doing things you actually enjoy instead of going out and getting drinks spilled all over your favorite shoes) some friends can be really crappy about it and suddenly you don’t see them often since you’re not joining in on *their* scene.
I was never really into the bar scene and couldn’t understand what was so fun about getting sloppy drunk, not being able to have a conversation over the obscenely loud music and being junk the next day. I’d much rather hang out at home or a friends house, or go to a quiet pub or a nice restaurant. I used to force myself to go out to be able to spend time with the girls but gave up after feeling like the baby sitter night after night. You deserve better than the losers who can’t even see straight. I’d stick to reorganizing the sock drawer the next time the girls want to get together for a night out.
That’s about how I feel about the bar scene. Once, when I went out, a guy decided to dump all of his beer down the front of my dress for whatever reason and just laughed while I had to try to wash as much of it off as I could so I didn’t get pulled over on the way home and have a cop think I was so drunk, it was coming out of my pores.
I have never been a big drinker just because I don’t like how it makes me feel, but I see other people do it all the time. And you’re right, how is it any different than eating or anything else to excess? For some reason, drinking in excess is more socially acceptable.
I don’t take any of the guys in bars seriously either just for the reasons you mentioned. I went with a couple of friends to this bar in my hometown a few years ago, and this little Korean guy came out of nowhere and asked if he could dance with me. At first, I said no, but he persisted, so I said okay. He was obviously very drunk, but he was like, “Can I kissss yooou? Please lemme kiss yooou.” I said no. He said, “But I liiike yoooou. Pleeeease.” And he tried to do it. I’m 5’10″, he was probably about 5’6″ at the most, so when he tried, I just turned my head, and his lips landed on the side of my neck. He tried again, begging me to let him kiss me, and I turned my head again and his lips landed on my ear. The song ended, and he tried again, but I pushed him away and went over to where my friends were. So disgusting, and his friends were all giving him a hard time and calling me names for not letting “their boy” kiss me. Ugh.
I LOVE to dance. I love to go dancing. However, I don’t like how dancing in a club seems to give guys some sense of entitlement towards how they can touch or act with girls.
But anyway…this is a long comment, but I feel very similar to you.
And by the way, you look gorgeous, as always, in the pic with your friends.
Hey Elle,
I felt very much like you when I was in my 20′s and went to clubs. There was many a 3am shower to wash the smoke out of my hair. One night a met a guy there who was drinking…way too much, but he was pretty fun and I had a connection with him. He was certainly different than the guys I dated. Long story short…I married him. Nope it is not sunshine and roses everyday or even every other day, and he did have a problem with drinking. It took countless tears, arguing, therapy and finally making a commitment to include God and worship in our lives that eventually saved our marriage. It is pretty great now and I wouldn’t give him up for anything, but it took alot of work.
Kudos to you for understanding what your boundaries are and sticking with them.
Thank you for this. I can sooooo relate to it, too!! About meeting a guy in bar, etc etc…I am in the same position.
I love this post Elle! Your attitude and your sense of what you deserve is every bit as impressive as how hard you have worked to get to where you are. It is so refreshing to read a blog by a woman who (gasp) respects herself! I used to feel the same way in situations like this (I have worked too hard for this butt to have just ANYONE grabbing it!). Next time you find yourself in that situation, don’t even give the loser the gift of your presence. Just an eye roll usually does the trick.
Amazing post Elle! I felt like I could have written this post (except far less eloquently than you lol). I often feel like a disappointment to our generation because I take no enjoyment out of spending my evening in a crowded, noisy bar with hundreds of drunk strangers. Glad I’m not the only one that feels this way!
Elle, great post!!! Quite funny and I totally agree with you that it is fun to have a drink with friends but not fun at all to babysit friends while they’re drinking. That being said, I used to love going dancing/clubbing when I was in my early 20s but I never appreciated guys grabbing at me or spitting on me. I liked going to gay bars where I could dance and have fun but not get hit on
I did meet my significant other at a bar about 5 yrs ago, but it was a neighborhood hangout – pool and beer, not loud music and karioke. Good luck navigating your new life and finding your favorite activities. Sounds like you’re having fun with it – keep it up girlfriend!!!
Elle,
Great post. Its good to know that I am not alone in my feelings about bars! Its so hard to explain to people that having a few beers, to me, is a huge splurge, not just something I “do” on the weekends. Its not worth it to me to cancel out all the hard work just to avoid having the group give me a hard time. I’ve been the DD for so long now, people just expect it from me.
On the other hand, just to add a silver lining. Even though I am usually the DD, I still met my boyfriend in a bar playing pool
)
GREAT post Elle! Every mom should share this with their daughters.
In all fairness, I love pineapple. If I was not married, I might propose to a pineapple.
Hey TAJ,
So, just to be clear – you’re saying you’d like to marry a fruit?
I am so glad that they banned smoking in bars here. I used to hate the smoke in my hair. With that being said, I love going out occassionally and shaking my ass at a club. I find it to be a good stress relief. I get to step away from my role as mom and Ms. Responsible for a night and just feel young again. I do try to drink in moderation though (at least nowadays). I do understand your disdain though.
Oh my goodness, I was cheering as I read this. The link between overindulging in food and in alcohol… “If you have to be drunk to find me attractive…” *sigh* Awesome!
I’ve worked hella hard to get my body into this shape. I know exactly how many veggies, how many nights and weekends at the gym, how many drops of sweat, how many pulled muscles, how many stupid trees, how many dollars spent on trainers, tears shed over crumbled self-esteem, and hours spent sifting through my “thought life” and retraining my mind to focus on truth and positive thoughts it took to get my body to where it is now. This body is the product of hard work. And you don’t get to just touch it for free. So back off Jack. Do not slide up behind me and try to put your hands in places where they don’t belong. Get sober. Ask me on a proper date. Take me out for dinner. Ask me about my interests. Treat me like a lady. Appreciate my mind. THEN we can talk about you appreciating my body.
BOO-YAH!!!!! LOVE IT ELLE!!
After reading this post, I have confirmed that we are twins separated at birth. I love you insights!
xoxo
I had to go back and read this post and then comment on it. I did not go to the bars that much when I was younger as I didn’t drink much then and just didn’t like the scene. I did also get married to my 1st husband really young and had my daughter right away so there was no partying for me.
I thought after I lost the weight that I would enjoy the bar scene as I’m more outgoing now and just love to have a good time. I don’t enjoy it. I do have to deal with the bar scene more than I want to as my 2nd husband is in a local band and they play at bars. I still get picked up on (kinda like how you described it) with a wedding ring on and I don’t really drink, as I’m usually the DD so he can enjoy his show and people buy him drinks and what not.
I sometimes wonder if I missed out on alot when I was younger, but I don’t think so. Who wants be be inibriated every night and not remember the next day what happened while having a hangover. Nah, I’ll pass