Introducing Ali…
I’d be lying if I said this was all new to me – that this was the first time I’d decided “enough is enough” and tried to lose the extra 150 + pounds I’ve got hanging off my body. The truth is, I’ve been struggling with weight my entire life. At 28 years old, my entire adult life has been spent trying to escape from this weight that’s crippling me – physically and emotionally.
I’m Ali, and I weigh 340 pounds. Yup, I said it - 340 pounds.
While this isn’t my first attempt at losing the weight, it is absolutely the last. Will I lose 100 pounds in a year? I don’t know. Will it take me 5 years to reach my healthy weight goal? Possibly. Will I quit? Absolutely not.
That’s the difference this time; I refuse to quit. I’ve written blog post after blog post about being “back on track” and “figuring things out” and the truth is, I had nothing figured out! Every day is a struggle with food and exercise, but since I decided to change my life for good, big things are happening.
So how do you get to be 340 pounds you ask? Well, I’ve always been overweight, but the last 100 pounds started to appear after I had stillborn twin boys in 2006.
After my babies were born I cried a lot. For a long time. And then, when I stopped crying, I started eating. I ate to feel whole – to fill the space in myself that they were supposed to fill. Guess what? It didn’t work. I smiled and laughed, and pretended to move on after they were gone, but the only time I felt good was when I was eating.
Three months after they were born, I got pregnant with my daughter. This pregnancy was different than the last one, I ate to deal with stress and when she was born I weighed 302 pounds.
Mommy and Mimi
After she was born I did the mom thing, and somewhere along the way I lost myself. Mom’s do that, they lose themselves in their children. Between work, Mimi and an 11 year old step son who lives with my husband and I full time, life was busy. I just kept going, day by day, vowing every Monday that I’d lose weight, and failing by Tuesday – that’s okay, I’d start again the next week.
Somewhere in the chaos my mom, and best friend, was diagnosed with cancer. When she died in August of this year it sent my life into another tailspin. When I finally landed on my feet, something had changed in my life. I knew that healthy wasn’t just about losing weight any way possible, it was about dealing with my feeling, daily stress, eating healthy for myself and making sure that my kids are eating healthy, and being active. They’re my life, and I owe it to them.
I don’t really have a number that I’m looking to reach, but being able to walk up the stairs without being winded – that would be nice. Not using food as a way to deal with everything – happiness, stress, sadness, anger – that would be nice, too. I’d like to be able to easily do what other moms do; run around the yard with their kids, take them to the pool (you won’t be catching me in a bathing suit in public!) and just be able to be the active role model that they deserve
My family is my support system, my inspiration, and sometimes my stumbling block – and getting healthy is different now. More difficult, and so much more important.
My Family
I can’t spend hours in the gym, and sometimes dinner has to be ready in 15 minutes so we can get to lacrosse or a birthday party. I’m figuring out how to cook healthy, fast meals, and how to exercise at home even with a 3 year old underfoot!
I am rediscovering myself. Not myself as I was before kids, and not myself as just “Mom”, but who am I now that I have kids? I think that’s as important as diet and exercise.
Since I started blogging, I’ve found so many inspirational people, and an incredible support system I didn’t even know existed. I’ve been inspired by others, and have thrived on the interaction with people who are dealing with exactly what I’m dealing with! I want to fight this fat to fit battle with YOU. Share the successes and failures (there will be some of those too,) and figure out the balance of being a Mom and PriorFatGirl.
I would love the opportunity to be an official future “PriorFatGirl” but I can honestly say, I’ll be a prior fat girl either way.
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I loved your post…it really struck a cord with me. I know what it is like to eat to make yourself feel better and then one day you wake up realizing that you didn’t make sure self feel better you just made yourself gain weight and feel worse. Thanks for sharing your story…I know you are going to be a prior fat girl someday…hopefully we all will!
It’s so easy to turn to food, isn’t it?? Thanks for your comment, and I believe we really all CAN be prior fat girls….it’s just gonna take some serious commitment!
I completely know what it’s like to vow on Monday to just do it and give up by Tuesday because it was just too hard. I know what it is like to try and fill up a void or to cover pain with food. Congratulations on deciding that you need to stop the cycle for your family. I applaud your determination whether it takes 1 yr or 5. You will make it!!!
PS – I absolutely love the pic of you and your daughter – just gorgeous!!!!
Hi Danielle,
It’s so hard, isn’t it? That’s what’s different this time – I’m not going all crazy on Monday, and then cant’ keep up – I’m changing every aspect of my life a little bit at a time….This time there’s no quitting allowed. We’re worth it.
And thanks about the pic- my fave of the two of us
Ali – your post was awesome, I really feel like you are dealing with some of the same struggles I am dealing with – just wanting to get this done once and for all and not have to have another – I’ll do it on Monday – I too use food for every emotion imaginable – happy, sad, stressed … but I am learning to deal with this in other ways – it is so freeing to finally be able to get this right and see the scale go down. I wish you nothing but the best! You have a beautiful family! Your daughter posing in your last photo is just too cute! I can’t wait to see your success unfold – I hope Jen will link to all of our blogs after the voting is over because whether you win or not I would love to follow you! =)
Thank you, Sam. I’m OVER the restarts and the “next weeks” – the failures and the 10 pounds gone in one week and gained back the next. We CAN do this, and we willl.
I was thinking that too – I hope everyone’s blogs are posted in the end so we can all connect, and readers too, after it’s all said and done. This whole process has been such a blessing, and I hope that the blessing continues after this is all done.
I’m sure it will
Hey Ali,
I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. That’s a lot of pain to work through, and I was really blessed this morning by reading through your story and seeing that you have a desire to deal with your demons and improve your life for your sake and for the sake of your family. I can speak from experience in saying that watching my own Mom get healthy played a very critical role in helping me realize that I could be healthy too. So you go girl – get healthy so that the rest of your family can look at you and share your hope!
Elle
I know that what you’re saying is true for SO many other people too, Elle. I need to do it for me, but I also need to do it for my family. It’s a whole new ball game with kids….gah!
Great post and I loved your little, posing daughter! So cute!
Hahaha, THANKS, Hilary. She did EVERY post the photographer suggested for each of us…thumbs in pockets, hands on hips….it was such a long darn hour of pictures.
Hey Ali,
I really loved your post. I feel like I can relate to you alot. You have my vote!!! Good luck girl!
Thanks, Bree. Either way, when it’s all over we’ll have to be sure to keep in touch and maybe we can encourage each other? You never know
Ali,
I am so proud of you! No matter what life hands you…you make lemonade (the healthy kind
) You have been an inspiration to me from the very first time I read your blog and you will continue to inspire me with your amazing attitude!
I KNOW that PFG would be lucky to have you…but no matter what…you will get there! And I am glad that I get to be along for the ride!
Go get ‘em girl!
MWAH! You know I love you, Janna! I will get there, I know that – PFG would be the icing on the cake. An amazing opportunity to share my story with others, and maybe encourage people the way others have encouraged me!!!
Ali, Loved reading your post and I can totally relate to your story and current journey. Your determination is very encouraging!
You could not have said a nicer thing, Joi. I need to get healthy for me, but encouraging other people by doing this journey in such a public way is something I am so happy to be doing. I’ve been so encouraged by others, and hope that maybe my attemps – failures and successes, will be relatable!!!
Great post! I relate to what you say about starting on Monday and failing by Tuesday. You have to be true to yourself and “figure” things out. It is so much more than a number on a scale!!!
I know, right?? It’s not about a number – I’m still figuring out what works for me – what does it mean to mean to healthy?? I’m not entirely sure. But I won’t quit and restart 20,000 more times. I refuse to.
You are so beautiful! Good luck!
Thanks, Cee! What a sweet thing to say! I need all of the luck I can get
I so understand and am in a similar position as you. It seems like such a long journey but we can do it! I hope no matter what happens we can connect and support each other on this journey!
Thanks, Liz – and your’e right. We can do this….some days it feels so impossible, but I’m not giving up – and you’re not either, right??!!
I would love to connect regardless of what happens – I’ll send you my email address. The more support, the better.
I want to wrap my arms around you and give you a super big hug! I want to tell you about how I once weighed 356 pounds and today I weigh 190. I want to talk with you for hours about how hard it is to have littles (mine are 5 and 3) at home and make the time needed to take care of yourself. Thank you for sharing this post. I am rooting for you and your family!!!
Oh, Kari…thank you. No one understand the struggle unless they’ve been there, and knowing that youv’e done this…..it’s one more push for me. I’ve checked out your blog, and can’t wait to go back and read more.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment….you really have no idea how much it means.
Ali – Great post! I can’t wait to follow along on the rest of your journey – whether it be here or on your current blog! You will be a great inspiration to your kids – your 3 year old will be just like mine I am sure – she often finds her own hand weights using her toys and does Jillian workouts with me! Wants to be just like mom! Good luck on this journey!
Ali, your determination is so inspiring! So sorry to hear about your pregnancy loss– I’ve been there (with a singleton) and know how hard it can be to get out from under that sadness. I so admire your calm energy in facing that, losing weight, being a working mom, all of it. When I first heard about this contest, I just hoped that the winner would be a working mom rather than a SAHM (nothing against SAHMs at all, I know that’s a separate set of challenges!). But now I really, really hope the winner is you!
Thanks, Rebecca! I’m actually not a stay at home mom! I work half time (20 hours a week)
I pressed submit before I was done – haha. I was also going to say that it’s absolutely a sad club to belong to, but having lost a baby, it really is a feeling that’s hard to explain, isn’t it? I hope when this is all over we can connect, and keep supporting each other!
Ali, you inspire me. I know that we can both be Prior Fat Girls! Thank you for putting your story out there.
Thank you, Jennifer. I KNOW we can, it’s a matter of not giving up – which isn’t always easy….at all!
I have been reading PFG for a little over a year now and love it. I am not a blogger, and have never really had much trouble with my weight, but this blog is inspiring to me. A healthy life style no matter who you are or how much weight you have to lose is just plain hard. As a mom I know this first hand. Your story touched me and I would definitely read your blogs daily if you are chosen as the FPFG Mom. Good Luck to you!!
This comment is so interesting, Amanada – thank you for taking the time to write it! A lot of my “blogging buddies” aren’t struggling with weight, or trying to lose it, but their healthy living struggles are as inspiring and motivational to me as the weightloss blogs I read!
I guess for me, the change finally is that I’m not as interested in losing weight as I am in being healthy. It was such a brain block to get past that mentality to where I am now. If I’m living a healthy life, I do lose weight. A fabulous side effect of the lifestyle.
Didn’t mean to turn into a rambley-rant, but your comment really got me thinking!!
I struggle with my weight, too. And sometimes I hide behind it. I make up excuses for why I’m not changing things even though I want to. I say I am healthy, but if I were really healthy, I wouldn’t be going to doctors for headaches and an enlarged liver.
Thank you for this post. I look forward to following you on your journey and also starting my own journey.
Leslie, I just went to take a look at your blog after reading your comment – it’s incredible. Seriously. You really have a way with words, and your pictures are stunning….I can’t wait to follow along with your journey, and see your posts in Google Reader every morning!
We’ll get healthy together, Leslie. We have to….
Thank you, Ali. I really appreciate that.
I can take credit for the words but not the pictures. Google is my friend when it comes to (most of) the pictures.
And you are right. We do need to.
It’s a process. All of it. I need to go through the whole process. With everything. My writing, eating healthy, etc. It is overwhelming to work towards so much at once, but it’s necessary.
Ali,
You are an amazingly strong women. You deserve only good things in your life from here.
Lots of love,
Jess
Thank you for sharing your story in such an honest and candid way. You are so strong and I admire your courage to tell your story.
‘Who am I now that I have kids’ is such a powerful question and I think many of us can relate to this at different stages in our lives. I wish you all the best with the contest…going to vite for you now!
Such an inspiration – you are amazing!
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