Archives for May 2010

Baseball & Hotdogs

Happy Saturday! I woke up early today, sadly – I think it is because I’m starting to get sick. I’ve had a sore throat for 2 days and am starting to get a sinus headache. Top that with a semi-runny nose and the clues are starting to come together!
Thanks for all your ideas yesterday on navigating the mental healthy system. I just wanted to make sure I voiced to ya’ll that I thank God I’m not severely depressed, suicidal or in a place where I truly need help ASAP. I struggle with food & tend to use food as a “drug” when I’m sad, excited, happy or upset. I think a lot of us tend to do that. The point where I see a problem, for me, is within the past 4-6 months, I’ve found myself binging. I know that I don’t want to live with those binges for the rest of my life, and in fact, I really want to take my eating to a place where it isn’t just healthy eating 75% of the time, but that it truly is a healthy relationship with food. Thus my decision to reach out for help.
I know, deep down, I am okay riding the waiting game out. Until then, I’ll keep sharing that side of the journey with you because I like to vent!
Now…onto last night. Our friends, Chris & Lisa, are in town from Milwaukee. I’m excited because it is the first time I will get to play host and do all the things I watched my mom do to take care of guests. Last night, we went to the Twins game – in the shiny new, outdoor stadium. 
Excuse some of the blurriness on the pictures, I forgot my camera at home (*gasp*) and had to rely on Carlos’ phone. Surprisingly, most of them turned out pretty good! 
Carlos and I split a hot-dog and an un-pictured brat.

And watched the sunset over the city-line.
 I ate (a lot) of kettle corn.
That stuff is dangerous!
And, as we were leaving, I ran into
Laura, a blog reader. Hi Laura!!
Laura is running her very first ever 10mile on Sunday and OMG, I am so excited for her! She promised to send in a sweaty picture of herself, so we can see that glow in her eyes right after. Don’t forget, okay Laura!
Today, Lisa and I are going to get pedicures while the guys do…uh, guy stuff. Tonight, we have a get-together so expect lotsa pictures!
Hope ya’ll are having a great holiday weekend!


Baseball & Hotdogs

Happy Saturday! I woke up early today, sadly – I think it is because I’m starting to get sick. I’ve had a sore throat for 2 days and am starting to get a sinus headache. Top that with a semi-runny nose and the clues are starting to come together!
Thanks for all your ideas yesterday on navigating the mental healthy system. I just wanted to make sure I voiced to ya’ll that I thank God I’m not severely depressed, suicidal or in a place where I truly need help ASAP. I struggle with food & tend to use food as a “drug” when I’m sad, excited, happy or upset. I think a lot of us tend to do that. The point where I see a problem, for me, is within the past 4-6 months, I’ve found myself binging. I know that I don’t want to live with those binges for the rest of my life, and in fact, I really want to take my eating to a place where it isn’t just healthy eating 75% of the time, but that it truly is a healthy relationship with food. Thus my decision to reach out for help.
I know, deep down, I am okay riding the waiting game out. Until then, I’ll keep sharing that side of the journey with you because I like to vent!
Now…onto last night. Our friends, Chris & Lisa, are in town from Milwaukee. I’m excited because it is the first time I will get to play host and do all the things I watched my mom do to take care of guests. Last night, we went to the Twins game – in the shiny new, outdoor stadium. 
Excuse some of the blurriness on the pictures, I forgot my camera at home (*gasp*) and had to rely on Carlos’ phone. Surprisingly, most of them turned out pretty good! 
Carlos and I split a hot-dog and an un-pictured brat.

And watched the sunset over the city-line.
 I ate (a lot) of kettle corn.
That stuff is dangerous!
And, as we were leaving, I ran into
Laura, a blog reader. Hi Laura!!
Laura is running her very first ever 10mile on Sunday and OMG, I am so excited for her! She promised to send in a sweaty picture of herself, so we can see that glow in her eyes right after. Don’t forget, okay Laura!
Today, Lisa and I are going to get pedicures while the guys do…uh, guy stuff. Tonight, we have a get-together so expect lotsa pictures!
Hope ya’ll are having a great holiday weekend!


I think I can, I think I can…

“I don’t think that once you get to one level, you can relax. You’ve got to keep pushing.” ~ Larry Bird

I just need to keep telling myself that, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!” I’m discouraged. I think we’ve all been in that boat where the scale JUST.WON’T.MOVE. I’m here. I hate it, but I’m here.

Here are my calories from yesterday:

On the higher end. But still within what I allow myself per day.


I also went to the gym last night for a sweaty 30 minutes of cardio. Normally, I try to aim for closer to 40 minutes, but I was sweating my ass off and pushing myself at a pretty high intensity, so I figured just 30 minutes for the day wouldn’t kill me. Plus, I had spent probably a good 30 minutes walking around downtown yesterday, so all in all, I suppose I got about 60 minutes of cardio in yesterday – on top of my hourly exercises that my friend and I have been doing (which I love!). I’ve been at the gym 3 times with week and will also be there on Saturday for a personal training day.

I kind of like the new routine I’ve picked up at the gym. Workout for 2 days, rest for a day, work out for 2 days, rest for a day. Then I still feel like I’m getting in some time at the gym, but I’m not killing myself. I’ll stick with it for a while and see how it goes.

I honestly don’t have much to say today. I feel like a grump. I spent about 35-45 minutes at the DMV today getting a new driver’s license since I lost mine and it is NOWHERE to be found. It took forever for them to see me and only about 2 minutes for them to actually help me. It’s ridiculous. Tax dollars, hard at work at the DMV. Urg.

Besides the DMV fiasco, I just feel in the rut with my weight loss. I do feel good. I feel better than I felt last year. But I want the scale to start moving again, even it’s it’s just inching it’s way to a healthier weight. I’m just frustrated. But… you know me – I’m not giving up. I’ll say that over and over and over again, I’m not ever going to give up.

I have yet another motivator in my life to lose some LBS. Adam told me once I get to “where I wanted to be” that he would buy me a new wardrobe. I love clothes… so this should kick my ass right in gear. He has told me this before… so I just need to DO IT!

PS – I say “where I want to be” as far as weight loss because I really don’t have a “goal weight” – I want to be a healthy weight, of course… but I’m not sure, yet, what the number is going to be.

Well, instead of spewing crabby-ass all over my blog anymore, I’m logging off. Enjoy your nice long weekend! I will be. I’m out of work until Wednesday! Thank you, Lord! 🙂


You’re in the wrong place.

A lady called me on Tuesday to confirm my 8:30am mental health appointment for this morning. She verified that I was going to building number 2200.
I went to 2200. It was the administration offices. They told me the behavioral health department wasn’t there. I asked for directions and she said to go back outside, walk down past the parking ramp and into the emergency entrance to ask the guy there at the front desk. Too bad the lady’s directions were messed up…because the emergency entrance was actually to the right of the parking ramp, not down and around. So, in my 4 inch heels, I circled the entire parking ramp.
I found said emergency entrance. The guy at the front desk said to go up to the 2nd floor, suite 275. On the outside of the door, it said “MENTAL HEALTH.” I waited patiently in line to be checked in – by this time, it was 8:30 already. I tried to check in but they couldn’t find me in their system. And then the guy asked what doctor I was seeing. I told him and he said:
“YOU’RE IN THE WRONG PLACE.”
He told me to go back out and across to the parking lot to the building NEXT to 2200 and up to the 3rd floor. I smiled and said thank you. I trudged back downstairs, outside and across the parking lot. Up to the 3rd floor, I walked in 10 minutes late. I checked in and felt relieved that they found me in their system and that I had finally made it.
The doctor called me in and we sat down. He quickly skimmed my intake documents. He looked up and we started. His first question was “So…tell me about why your here.” I gave him as brief of a summary as possible, probably about 5 minutes long. And when I paused, he sighed and said:
“YOU’RE IN THE WRONG PLACE.”
HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS. He continued talking, explaining that he was a medical doctor who basically prescribes mental behavior medicine and that I would need to find a therapist but frankly, all I could do was cry.
“ALL I COULD DO WAS CRY.”
I think he felt bad because he started to apologize. I explained how I had been around and around and couldn’t believe how hard it was to get an appointment with someone who could help me. I left feeling frustrated and like I wasted not only the past 4 weeks, but my morning and the $20 flippin’ co-pay. (damn insurance!) His parting words were…
“Here is the name of 
someone you should be with.”

I confirmed a bazillion times she was accepting new patients, even telling him that I had called that specific clinic and they told me all of their therapists weren’t accepting new patients. The doctor smiled and said he was sure of it, she was taking new patients. With all my might, I drove past every freakin’ McDonalds on my way into work. With all of my will power, I fought off every urge to stop and just binge.
I made it back to my desk and, over my lunch, decided I would call the number he gave me. I mentioned to the lady on the phone that I had a referral and gave her the doctor name. Her response:

I’m sorry, we don’t have 
any appointments for 4 weeks.
I thanked her for her time and hung up. I need to take a deep breath. Be patience. Breath. In and out. Breath. I really can not believe this.  Maybe I’ll just wait for some therapist to come find me. I get that places are busy. I get that they can only handle so many patients at a time. But another 4 weeks? Holy flippin’ Moses! What’s a gal gotta do to find some help ’round here!?? I’ll try again next week, when my fight comes back. For this week, for this holiday weekend, I give up.
P.S., Some of you have emailed me offering to help navigate the system – I appreciate you reaching out to me and am trying to sort through the emails & navigate what next step I should take. I’ll figure it out next week. Until then, I’m taking this weekend to just be. 

Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone! 
I’ll be back on Monday! 
(or before then if I find time!)
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