Hello hello friends, today is the last post of the “I have a friend…” series. I’ll be back later tonight with some pictures of what I’ve been doing this week. Until then, I have a friend…
Today a colleague asked me, “Are you eating?” I didn’t understand her question, it was well after lunch. I looked at her confused, and she explained, “you are melting away, are you even eating?” She was referring to my weight loss. And she wasn’t excited for me, she was worried.
Usually we can count on our friends and family to celebrate weight loss with us, but not me. Everyone is worried about me. They think I’m not eating because of a huge change in my life: I’m getting divorced.
I guess I can see where they are coming from. I appreciate their care and concern. I could only wish my circumstances would make me lose my appetite. My instinct is to eat more! More unhealthy food, more often! The fact is that I’ve been working my ass off (quite literally) to lose weight.
I’ve been considerably overweight from the time I had my first child until now, two years after my second child was born. I love my kids. But I hated the weight.
I worked full time.
I was exhausted.
I had a bad back.
I didn’t have time.
I hated all things exercise.
I couldn’t afford a new wardrobe.
My marriage was in bad shape.
And I deserved the fried mushrooms. The Chinese food. The burrito with extra guac. The giant burger with the fries, with ranch on the side.
I thought I deserved the unhealthy food because I felt sorry for myself. I deserved it because I had this empty place inside of me I was trying to fill with food. Sure, my babies put this weight on my body, but I was keeping it there.
And then, one day, BAM: I learned my daughter had severe to egg, milk, peanuts and soy. I was breastfeeding and needed to immediately cut all those foods from my diet. Over the next year, I lost 20 pounds from that change alone. TWENTY POUNDS?!?! I moved down from a tight size 16 to a loose 14, that made me happy.
I was excited, but also discouraged that I still had 25 more pounds to go! I realized that I would have to start exercising if I wanted to make a real difference. I tried at home, in front of a TV), which helped me get back into my body and moving around again. It felt good. And then one day I at first (committed myself to doing Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. I’m still shocked I made that decision!
Something happened inside me during that first work out. Jillian was barking orders: “you ARE capable, you CAN do this” and it triggered something. I did the work out. I survived. I was sore like CRAZY the next few days… but I kept going. Every day.
I was tapping into an internal source of power that I hadn’t felt for a long time. A place where my most inner sense of self lived. A place I had been largely ignoring, for years, because I was so unhappy.
And then POOF, like magic, I was hooked! The chick who hates exercise and has no time was working out EVERY day. And liking it. These aren’t silly, bouncing , these are kick your butt, build your strength, fall on the floor and DIE exercises. And I loved it!
Somewhere along the way, that confidence, that belief in myself, started spilling over into other areas of my life. I felt stronger physically (peeps, I’ve got biceps now!) and I was inspired by the direction I was heading in. Feeling that way about one area of my life made it even more obvious how unhappy I was in other areas. I’m not going to get into all the personal details of why or how my marriage finally ended. But I will say this, I was feeling good, and inspired, for the first time in a long time. It makes a lot of sense to me that I would want to ride some of that confidence to make the changes I had been too afraid to make for far too long.
I’ve continued to work out using some of Jillian’s other DVDs in combination with the Shred and have lost more weight. In the last week I’ve started training for a program called the Couch to 5K training plan, along with Liz and a number of other bloggers from the Twin Cities. That’s giving me more motivation to keep pushing myself and so far I’m enjoying it. I never in a million years ever thought that I would be running. That’s like hard core people!
I hoped and prayed that some day I would find the motivation to finally lose the extra 45 pounds I was carrying around. I’m so grateful I finally found it! And I’m doing everything I can to hang onto it, because I still have a ways to go to reach my goal. Of course, it’s not all about losing weight, it’s about getting healthy, being a great example for my little ones, being strong physically, and overcoming obstacles in other areas of my life. I’m grateful to God for whispering the inspiration in my ear, and to the wonderful community of women who are cheering me on.