Last Wednesday I shared with you I had two doctors appointments. One was a heart appointment – where I found out I did not have arrhythmogenic right ventricular dysplasia but that I did have a hole in my heart.
The second appointment was to talk about my recent struggles with my eating – with a counselor. I spent a good portion of our 2 hour consultation sharing my journey from the beginning. It was difficult because it forced me to verbalize a lot of events I’d up till then preferred not to talk about.
Towards the end of our time together, the counselor shared her thoughts. She mentioned that a tragedy such as my mom’s caused a lot of emotional stress…which doesn’t necessarily go away in a couple of months and that in fact it takes a couple of months for the “numbness” to wear off. The counselor explained that it could be that as of recently (like the past couple of months), reality has truly started to set it resulting in increasing emotional stress.
She then pointed out that on top of my mom’s tragedy…
- I started a new job in October
- I started a part-time job in December
- Experienced my first holiday season without mom.
- Packed & moved at the end of January
- Joined the Jr. League of St. Paul in February
- 20-30 hours a week on the blog
- Non-blog related family dymanics
- Autoposy reading & ARVD scare
- Patent Foramen Ovale (hole in my heart)
What does this mean? Physically I have been able to keep up with myself – mentally, I have not. I’ve done and pushed my mental capacity to the limits and now its time to figure out how to get back on track.
I enjoy blogging because I find talking & sharing & writing my thoughts out therapeutic. I’m not going anywhere – but I need to take a couple of very deep big breaths and figure out how to regain mental clarity.
My first step? Is to acknowledge that I am stressed out. I’m emotionally worn out & tired. I haven’t had the energy to fight as hard as I used to resulting in me being more relaxed on my eating. I haven’t been working out as much as I used to either…because I’m so tired & worn out. In fact, in the past 2 weeks, I’ve worked out twice. Sad.
Over the next month, my goal is to get back into being active – because being physically active not only helps to release stress but will also help to break through my 10 + 3 problem which I’ll tell you about tomorrow. Wednesday, I’ll share my action plan. Your welcome to join me on this action plan.
