Today is the post where I say it out loud. I admit it to you. I’ve denied it long enough, thinking if I don’t say it out loud, I’ll get it under control. I’ll fix it tomorrow. I’ll start over on Monday. But tomorrow never happens – and Mondays seem to come and go. It’s time to be honest with myself – and my readers. Because this is part of my journey.
10.
In the month after my mom passed away, I ate. I ate like I hadn’t eaten in years. Two to be exact.
I ate to numb the pain.
I ate to feel full instead of the sadness.
I ate to taste food instead of my tears.
I ate to keep myself busy.
I ate because I didn’t know what else to do.
It is my true coping mechanism. When in a moment of sadness, grab food because it gave me some sort of “happy” feeling…at least on my taste buds. And after all was said and done, all that eating resulted in a freshly added 10lbs to my ass.
I know no one blames me for the weight. I don’t blame myself for it. God, that was the most horrific month I’ve ever experienced – brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. If food was my comfort during those dark moments, so be it.
Luckily I maintained…until recently.
3.
The past couple of months I’ve shared with you the fact that I’ve struggled with my eating (and yesterday I went into detail) but the result is that I’ve slowly gained 3 additional pounds. That doesn’t seem like a lot in itself. But added to the 10lbs brings me closer and closer to a 15lbs gain.
Sure, weight fluctuates. Sure I can continue to tell myself I’ll eat better tomorrow. Or get back into the gym on Monday. But the bottom line is I better do something now.
I purposefully shared with food I’ve eaten in Sunday’s post for a reason. Man oh man, have I been eating a lot of non-healthy food lately.
There was even a couple of times I didn’t take pictures of dinner because I didn’t want to share them with you – they were that bad.
Saying It Out loud
Saying it out loud isn’t just me verbalizing it. It’s making the weight gain real. It’s really happening. And if I don’t do something about it, it will continue to happen. Which is why I must combat it with an action plan. And I have one. Tomorrow I’ll share my action plan. Maybe some of you will decide to join me.
