Hiya friends! Yep, its me coming to you live on a Saturday! How ’bout that 
I packed up my laptop a couple hours ago and headed to the nearest Panera to consume some delish hazelnut coffee and drool at the bakery case.
Despite staring at the bakery case over my laptop monitor, so far, I have stuck with my coffee and have not participated in any bakery consumption. Maybe because my mind is busy. Off in la-la land. Dazed over. My attempt to get work done was disrupted by thought. As I sit here, I watched customer after customer come in.
- Grandparents bring their grandchildren in.
- Mothers & daughters.
- Elderly couples.
A constant reminder of what was missing in my life and forever will be. Sometimes I loose myself in thought. Lost trying to understand how I am that person – that person who lost her mom. Maybe its still shock. Disbelief.
No one would blame me
I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I have been dragging my feet to get back into the gym. Most of August & September & October I shared often about how my mind just wasn’t into going to the gym. How emotionally I was still numb and being at the gym was the last thing I wanted to do. I still hate that darn gym, still drag my feet to work out.
But I pushed myself. And I continue to push myself. Even though you wouldn’t blame me. Heck, if I curled up in ball and cried for three months straight, you wouldn’t blame me. If I deleted this blog and transitioned back into a non-blog life, you wouldn’t blame me. If I gained 3olbs, you wouldn’t blame me.
But I’m different. I refuse to give in. I refuse to settle. I refuse to let my mothers death be an excuse. I refuse to let it be the reason I gain weight. I refuse to let an emotional trauma change what I have worked so hard to get.
As much as I continue to fight and kick and scream, as much as I still cry, as much as I still drag my feet, I refuse to give up.
So thank you friends for continuing to encourage me. I pray that through this blog, you find what you need to fight, kick and scream through what your going through. I pray that despite everything your going through, you don’t give up. I pray for all the fight left in you to get you through.
I can do this – you can do this. Together, we can do this…no matter what kind of crap life throws at us, we can do this.
Love you guys!
*P.S., just writing this today has made me feel way better! Time to get some work done.
