Disclaimer: This post is not weight loss related, what-so-ever.
Two years ago, a beautiful, intelligent, kind woman was taken far too soon from this earth. I remember it like it was yesterday. At the time, Rissa and I were serving on the Panhellenic Council together; me, as President, Rissa as my Vice President of Programming. It was our second consecutive year on PHC together – everyone else had moved on, but we couldn’t get enough. We had become pretty good friends over those 2 years on PHC together.
On the morning of November 18th, 2007 – I was woken by a phone call. It was my counterpart, Evan (IFC President)… he didn’t sound like himself. He had explained there had been an accident after the Gamma Phi formal. Corinne was hurt, Rissa… she didn’t make it after they were both struck by a car. There was no stopping the tears that flowed that morning, or for months following that morning, to be more specific.
Being PHC President (for those of you not familiar with Greek Life, PHC President is basically in charge of all sorority business… I guess is how I would describe it…) I was expected to help coordinate Rissa’s Memorial Service. Those few days following Rissa’s death are a complete blur. How are you supposed to plan your FRIEND’S memorial? I don’t know how I did it, but looking back, it kept me busy… and at the time, that was what I needed. Constant meetings, phone calls, dodging e-mails from the media. I was going non-stop.
Rissa’s funeral followed shortly after. She had a closed casket due to her injuries, I’m sure. And all I kept thinking the entire time at the funeral was, “she’s not really in there, if I can’t see her, maybe she’s not in there.” Don’t get me wrong, I would never want to see my friend lying in a casket – but somehow, it was also just as hard not seeing her. There was no closure. The funeral home was packed with Greeks, her friends, and family. Standing room only. People spilled into the hallway and when her little sister got up to speak, there wasn’t a dry eye to be found. I’ll never forget that day.
It was freezing cold at the cemetery. But most Greeks stayed, long after people left. Being Greek, you build a connection that I cannot explain. I could not put it into words if I tried. It’s just something you feel. We all felt it – and we did not want to leave one of ours behind.
The months following Rissa’s death, I cried more than I’ve ever cried. This was different than anything I’d ever experienced. Yes, I have lost people in my life. But Rissa was only 22. TWENTY-TWO. How could this happen to a beautiful 22 year old, bound for graduation in 6 months and law school after that?? 22 year olds are not supposed to die. It was really hard for me to deal with. I would cry at random times. Certain things I would hear or see would remind me of Rissa and tears would flow soon after that, totally involuntary.
I cried for Rissa, a beautiful woman who should just be at the beginning of her life, taken SO tragically. I cried for Rissa’s parents, they would never get to see their lovely daughter grow up and have a family of her own. I cried for Rissa’s brother and sister. So young, too young, to lose such an amazing big sister. I cried for her sorority sisters, a bond so strong, rattled by a horrible accident. I cried for myself, for selfish reasons. I missed her. I felt guilty. I would get on her case about being late to our PHC meetings, why did I do that…? For months after her death, I replayed a voicemail I had saved on my phone from her probably hundreds of times (I didn’t even know I had it until after I found out she had passed away). That message is etched into my memory forever. “Hey Lindsay, it’s Rissa. Gimme a call as soooooooon as you get this, it’s important. Byyyeee!” I wonder if I ever called her back and got the important message. Well, everything was “important” with Rissa. I listened to that voicemail so many times, until one day, it was gone. I supposed it had been saved too long and was automatically erased. I cried when I could no longer hear that message.
Six months after Rissa’s death. Rissa would have graduated from Minnesota State University. She would have walked across the same stage that I did, accepting her diploma, like she was supposed to. Rissa did not get to walk across that stage. Instead, her friends Corinne (who was also struck in the accident) and Ashley, both sorority sisters, accepted her diploma on her behalf. Many people signed a petition to have the school grant her her degree, being that she was so close to graduation. That day is another moment I will never forget. I wore a pink ribbon on my robe, honoring Rissa, and cried like a baby as Corinne and Ashley accepted her diploma.
A few times, after Rissa’s death, I met her mother up at the cemetery… just to talk. We had never met before Rissa passed away. And now it was comforting to just talk to her. She would cry and tell stories about Rissa. One time, she brought Rissa’s little sister along. Spitting image. Beautiful little girl. That made me cry too.
Thinking about Rissa still makes me sad. Certain songs that I hear like, “Bubbly” by Colbie Caillat and “Big Girls Don’t Cry” will ALWAYS, always remind me of Rissa. As well as, “Who You’d Be Today” by Kenny Chesney.
She was a beautiful, amazing woman – I think of her so often, almost daily. Still, after two years.
Today, and everyday, I remember you, Rissa. You will never be forgotten.
Rissa Amen-Reif
August 4, 1985 – November 18, 2007
Who You’d Be Today – By Kenny Chesney.
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can’t believe your gone
(Chorus:)
It ain’t fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you’d be today
Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Someday’s the sky’s so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy
(Chorus:)
It ain’t fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you’d be today
Today [3x]
Today [3x]
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I’ll see you again someday
Someday, someday
Rissa Amen-Reif was struck by a car in the early morning hours of November 18, 2007 after she had left a sorority event. It was speculated that Rissa was intoxicated – let this be known: Rissa WAS NOT over the legal limit. To make this tragedy even more unbearable, several media outlets implied that alcohol was involved. While, yes, the girls had been drinking earlier that evening, Rissa was not drunk!! It was SO infuriating to read that all over the newspapers and see it on the news. She was not drunk. It was a terrible, terrible accident. As a result, Rissa’s life was cut short and to make it harder several media outlets were implying that alcohol was a factor in her death. IT WAS NOT. Thanks to horrible reporting, this cast a dark shadow on Rissa, her sorority sisters, the Greek Community, and her family and friends.
To read more, you can do so HERE and HERE and especially HERE.
