Hey friends! Happy Monday!
I have a problem. I want to be bad. I want to eat bad. I don’t want to exercise. I want to give up. I want to be “happy fat”. I want to be done! (ps – I don’t think “happy fat” exists for me!)
But why!?! On the exercise front things have been okay. Slowed down a bit… but not horrible. I HAVE been spending less time in the gym, but I have still been getting in some activity. Like on Saturday, Holy WOW. I went to BodyPump, helped my mom/boyfriend clean the beach, mowed the lawn ALL before lunch time. That was a good day. Well, that was a good START to the day. Then Adam and I headed out of town for Wisconsin to go camping for the night. Bring on the bad food. We were kind of in the middle of no where – I mean, not REALLY… but a few miles from everything. So dinner was either a shredded pork sandwich or a brat. I got the sandwich – a good choice…? No, but I got it anyways. Adam did too… and fries…. that we split. So, naughty. Then, later on, Adam was hungry again, so the place we were camping at had this small bar – we go and get some chicken strips…. and fries… split that. WHY?? I wasn’t even THAT hungry. I was a little bit, but I could have passed. Not to mention ALLLLLL of the drinking we did. Whew… bad, bad, BAD! So bad that I seriously did not even TRY to count the calories on Saturday night. What has gotten into me??
Sunday was not much better. Adam got up earlier than I did, and of course… he was hungry. So he ran into town and got “gas station breakfast” for us… you know – a breakfast sandwich thingy. It was decent. We came home and took a nap since we got hardly any sleep. Woke up, went grocery shopping, came back and snacked on meat, cheese and crackers and some veggies with my mom and sister and her girlfriend and a couple of neighbor friends. After a few hours, we ate dinner. Chicken. I was hardly even hungry. Did I eat…? You bet. Why? No clue. Well, I think mostly because then I would “feel bad” if I didn’t eat when my mom made dinner. I need to move out of my parents house ASAP – it’s hindering my weight loss! Soon, hopefully!
I just want to call it quits. I WON’T. But I really want to. I fell off the wagon this weekend – that seems to be a reoccurring theme with my weekends. Why can’t I just keep it together on the weekends?? Why?? I didn’t even mention Friday to you guys… did I? Friday, my boss took me out to lunch for my anniversary at work. Olive Garden. HORRIBLE. Delicious, but omgsomanycalories! AND Friday’s are mine and Adam’s date night. We go to dinner and hang out for the evening. So, Friday was all around bad news for this girl… yet, SOMEHOW when I stepped on the scale on Friday night, I was DOWN. How the hell does that happen!? It was fake though, because this morning, right back up. I need to stop stepping on the scale except for on my official weigh in days. I know that is nearly impossible for me though, I am obsessed with the scale. It’s a love/hate relationship. I love to step on it, I hate to see the results… most of the time!
Well, all – this is just me, venting, whining, complaining, making excuses, bitching and moaning. This isn’t easy. It’s hard and it sucks. But guess what…? I’m not giving up. I had a crappy weekend. That’s clear to you, I’m sure POSITIVE. But one crappy weekend, or even EVERY crappy weekend is not going to make me stop. I want this. I’m sure it doesn’t show since I keep screwing myself over. But I do. I WILL lose this week. Just watch.
(oh shit, that’s really scary to put into type! Now I REALLY have to do it! Here I go… )
xoxo
Lindsay
PS – again sorry, no pictures… I guess I should really let my boyfriend in on my blog… so taking pictures at dinner and things won’t seem so weird (lol – right Monica!? 
Oohh! And thank you all for your support. My aunt had a doctors appointment today, they’re going to check to see if there are any small traces of cancer elsewhere as well as maybe try to figure out what stage the cancer is in. I’m praying for encouraging news. She’s also going to the Mayo Clinic (not sure when) to get a second opinion. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers and kind words. It means a lot.
