How bad do you want it?

I loooooovvvvvvveeeeee it when I’m right! Majority rules! Based on the OVERWHELMING comments yesterday, there really is something called the Rule of Every Other! We are silly around here at priorfatgirl.com 🙂

Anyways, this next section of the post is for me, a letter to myself if you will. As readers, thank you for coming along with this healthiness journey – I’ve said it many times but it truly is a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I find myself repeating the same thing over and over again but I know I’ll figure it out when the time is right…

I have been hovering between 145-150lbs.

And now here I am. Pretending to be confused? Cause I think I can fool myself? I know exactly why the scale isn’t moving and why it hasn’t moved in 4 months. Extra-ordinary results requires extra-ordinary efforts. I am doing a good job but not an extra-ordinary job. I admit it.

I recently had a session with Eric, my trainer. He made me do things which made my arms shake. It made my nose wrinkle and my eyes squeeze shut. You see, he had me put my feet on a (un)stability ball and hands on the ground and do push-ups. 30 of them.

I wanted to tell him I had to go potty and hide in the locker room – surely he wouldn’t come in there and get me…(would he?!).

8 push-ups and then I collapse and rest
Eric: Good job, you doing great!
4 push-ups and then I collapse and rest
Eric: Come on, you can do it, keep going.
5 push-ups and then I collapse and rest
Eric: Keep going Jen, I know you can do it
4 push-ups and then I collapse and rest
Eric: Come on Jen, HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

As my face was scrunched up and my eyes were squeezed tight shut, as whimpered every other second and only slightly lowered myself just far enough for him to actually count it, all I could think about was wanting him to tell me to stop.

I finished all 30 but it took me awhile – and for the rest of the training session, I kept thinking about was Eric saying, “HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT
Right now, I’m admitting to you – I haven’t wanted it bad enough. I allowed my eating to go into a “maintain” eating phase…which is why I have maintained. That’s good. I KNOW THAT. But if I want to loose that extra 10lbs, I’m going to either have to step up my work outs or stop my “maintain” eating.

I am a firm believer in self-reflection. This is as far as I’ve gotten regarding the topic of “HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT

To end on a positive note, tomorrow is a HUGE day for me! My amazing cuz Kirsten, who has been a pillar of motivation & support for me, has encouraged me to enter my first 5k and it just so happens to be tomorrow, 8:30am CST. Say a little prayer for me okay? I am pretty sure I will be running across the finish line crying. I know I can do it but how emotional, for Pete’s sake, I used to be fat!

Who would have thought a fat girl could do this? I can’t wait to share with ya’ll pictures! Carlos will be at Guard Training all weekend – this will be our first weekend apart in A LONG TIME. I will be sad. Very sad. Hopefully not must.eat.doritos.and.ding.dongs sad 🙁

What are you accomplishing this weekend that you never thought you could do?

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