March 2009

Continued from previous post…

My hands began to shake and I got chills yet could feel myself sweating. I couldn’t breath. I wanted to curl up in the corner of the dressing room. I wanted to rip the shorts off and put my jeans back on. I wanted to tell Carlos I couldn’t do this and to take me home. I wanted to cry. I grabbed my phone and sent a text to my sister Alicia.

I told her “I am in tjhr dressing room and wearing shorts an dmy heard ois beating too fast” (notice my inability to spell & text at that moment!).

She told me to take a deep breath and just open the door.

I had to make a decision…

And so I threw open the door and walked out…and I didn’t die. I know you guys wanna see the outfits, so here they are – but make sure to read until the end ok? Because there is a moral to this story…

P.S. a contest starts tomorrow, so check back – ya’ll are gonna want this, although I’m totally tempted to keep it for myself

These are the shorts I tried on and freaked out with – notice by the time I got home, I was wearing shorts AND no sleeves

Strike a pose!

I’m so in love with this blue!

Are you dying Joy? Don’t you LOOOOVVEEE these?

Ditto, I never want to take these off.

I am still shocked, no sleeves!

A wise bloggin’ friend, Perry recently said “Sometimes we just need to go through, rather than around, what we are going through. The shortest distance through pain is straight through it”

I didn’t get this far by backing down. I didn’t bust my arse in the gym to NOT be able to wear shorts.

This whole mental aspect of loosing weight. It’s not just about losing pounds of fat. There is a psychological side to it too. We cannot expect to just “get it” and just “accept it” or just “be happy” because there is so much more that has led up to this point.

BUT…when faced with something scary, no matter how much we don’t wanna do it, we just need to throw open the door and walk through.

What’s the worst that can happen?

I don’t share the pictures with you because I want to “show off” but because it took a lot mentally to put those clothes on and walk out of that dressing room. This is about so much more than how I look in those clothes, this is about accomplishing something I haven’t been comfortable doing and haven’t allowed myself to do in decades. That, now that, is an accomplishment!

I would much rather you share with me in my excitement for facing my fears then how I look in the clothes (although the clothes are cute, if I do say so myself!)

Reminder – really awesome give away tomorrow. I hope ya’ll oversleep so I can claim to be the winner myself.

{ 49 comments }

Wow, I have so much to tell you – I am going to break it up into a couple of post’s but will start with Saturday..sorry if you get to the end of today’s post and you hate me – I had to cut it off somewhere

Saturday, we woke up bright and early to head to the mall. I didn’t tell you guys this, but when Carlos first told me about the shopping trip a couple of weeks ago, my initial reaction was nervousness. I was excited but scared because all the attention would be on me, everyone watching me try on clothes, looking at how the clothes fit on me, and all that jazz. I didn’t mention it to Carlos either, because I was going to force myself to do it – better to just do things & get over it instead of being scared and never trying right?

When we walked into the store, the manager & Carlos’ friend introduced us and mentioned to the employee’s about my blog, my weight loss, the article and the fact that I didn’t have any summer clothes which is why we were there – to fill my closet. It was very humbling; everyone was so excited and full of congratulations! Everyone in the store was so nice to us!

After introductions, my attention was directed to a rack of clothes which had been pulled for me. I felt like I was in the movies! They told me to look through the clothes and see what I liked and bring a couple of options into the dressing room. I immediately felt a wave of horrible emotions come over me, yet I smiled, nodded and walked towards the rack.

All the clothes looked so tiny.

I was scared and nervous. There were short shorts, tank tops, sleeveless dresses and just a little bit of fabric.

I grabbed the clothes with the most fabric: t-shirts & capri’s. They looked way small and all I kept thinking was how I was going to have to go into the dressing room, try it on, realize I couldn’t pull them over my hips and have to ask for a larger size – ugh! Well, luckily the first couple of outfits fit but I didn’t give myself the chance to be happy…….all I could think about was the baby clothes left on the rack outside the room.

room.

As I disrobed and pulled the shorts on my heart started racing. They were tight but I sucked in just enough to zip them up and button them. There I was. Standing in the dressing room with shorts on – something I haven’t done since high school. I don’t know how to describe what happened next but I immediately began to freak out.

I panicked.

I was so overwhelmed, my eyes started to tear up.

My hands began to shake and I got chills yet could feel myself sweating. I couldn’t breath. I wanted to curl up in the corner of the dressing room. I wanted to rip the shorts off and put my jeans back on. I wanted to tell Carlos I couldn’t do this and to take me home. I wanted to cry.

I grabbed my phone and sent a text to my sister Alicia. I told her “I am in tjhr dressing room and wearing shorts an dmy heard ois beating too fast” (notice my inability to spell & text at that moment!).

She told me to take a deep breath and just open the door.

I had to make a decision…

And…check back tomorrow for the rest of the story

{ 0 comments }

Wow, I have so much to tell you – I am going to break it up into a couple of post’s but will start with Saturday..sorry if you get to the end of today’s post and you hate me – I had to cut it off somewhere

Saturday, we woke up bright and early to head to the mall. I didn’t tell you guys this, but when Carlos first told me about the shopping trip a couple of weeks ago, my initial reaction was nervousness. I was excited but scared because all the attention would be on me, everyone watching me try on clothes, looking at how the clothes fit on me, and all that jazz. I didn’t mention it to Carlos either, because I was going to force myself to do it – better to just do things & get over it instead of being scared and never trying right?

When we walked into the store, the manager & Carlos’ friend introduced us and mentioned to the employee’s about my blog, my weight loss, the article and the fact that I didn’t have any summer clothes which is why we were there – to fill my closet. It was very humbling; everyone was so excited and full of congratulations! Everyone in the store was so nice to us!

After introductions, my attention was directed to a rack of clothes which had been pulled for me. I felt like I was in the movies! They told me to look through the clothes and see what I liked and bring a couple of options into the dressing room. I immediately felt a wave of horrible emotions come over me, yet I smiled, nodded and walked towards the rack.

All the clothes looked so tiny.

I was scared and nervous. There were short shorts, tank tops, sleeveless dresses and just a little bit of fabric.

I grabbed the clothes with the most fabric: t-shirts & capri’s. They looked way small and all I kept thinking was how I was going to have to go into the dressing room, try it on, realize I couldn’t pull them over my hips and have to ask for a larger size – ugh! Well, luckily the first couple of outfits fit but I didn’t give myself the chance to be happy…….all I could think about was the baby clothes left on the rack outside the room.

room.

As I disrobed and pulled the shorts on my heart started racing. They were tight but I sucked in just enough to zip them up and button them. There I was. Standing in the dressing room with shorts on – something I haven’t done since high school. I don’t know how to describe what happened next but I immediately began to freak out.

I panicked.

I was so overwhelmed, my eyes started to tear up.

My hands began to shake and I got chills yet could feel myself sweating. I couldn’t breath. I wanted to curl up in the corner of the dressing room. I wanted to rip the shorts off and put my jeans back on. I wanted to tell Carlos I couldn’t do this and to take me home. I wanted to cry.

I grabbed my phone and sent a text to my sister Alicia. I told her “I am in tjhr dressing room and wearing shorts an dmy heard ois beating too fast” (notice my inability to spell & text at that moment!).

She told me to take a deep breath and just open the door.

I had to make a decision…

And…check back tomorrow for the rest of the story

{ 23 comments }