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PriorFatGirl is a community of writers who share their healthiness journey with you, our friends. Currently, posts on the main page are written by Liz who is fighting through her healthiness journey (and winning!) You can read other priorfatgirl journeys by clicking on the “Other priorfatgirl’s” drop down from the top menu.

Through the ups and downs of life, the scale, and emotions, we share our stories as a form of therapy for us, and as a way to help remove stigmas associated with trying to live up to social expectations of being perfect. We will not ever promise to be perfect, but we will promise to share candidly our journeys of learning how to be healthy in an unhealthy world, sugar coating not included.

 

Weigh In Week 65

Wednesday is weigh in day.  Wednesdays, regardless of how the scale goes, are good days because they are days where I can reset.  If things have been difficult I can regroup and start fresh.  If things have been good I can celebrate what I am doing well and keep going.

Wednesdays are good.

Of course, Wednesdays where I lose weight are even better!

-5.4 Pounds

83.4 lbs lost on WW to date (119.4 lbs lost to date)

I am thrilled with that for a week’s weight loss, but more than the number it signifies turning the weeks of gains around.  It signifies taking things one day at a time, dedicating my time to tracking, working on moving and attending to my mental and emotional well-being.  It has less to do with the numbers and more to do with me choosing MYSELF over food.  I finally feel like I have grasp (tentative perhaps but at least I am holding on) to eating after breastfeeding.  I am adjusting to lowering that intact since I no longer physically “sustain life” of anyone but myself.

There is a bit of regret looking at this number of course.  I would be lying if there weren’t.  I was farther along on this journey and took a detour that I am not terribly proud of.  However, sometimes the most important thing you can do is backtrack and find the path again.  What is done is done and I owe it to myself to learn from my mistakes (numerous though they are) and work to fix them.

We are starting a major renovation at work/church this week and I’ve had to move my office to a completely new area – my Sunday school work room.  Everything, and everyone, is in a bit of a kerfuffle anticipating the mess and chaos and challenges to come of working and being in the midst of a construction zone for month.  We know it will be messy, but we are also promised something transformed at the end.  Weight loss is messy and sometimes it is hard to see the end in the midst of the mess, but there is the promise of a transformation at the end if we keep doing the work to get there.

I am worth doing the work.

The Monday morning difference

Monday morning (and the upcoming Wednesday Weigh In) is easier to face when I have had a strong weekend.  I still have weekly points in the bank, I have untouched activity points and I have more energy from being active all weekend long.

In particular having some weekly points left helps a great deal, it means I don’t have to be perfect for the last days of the week.  I have noticed that when I use all my weekly points during the weekend my anxiety is high for the end of the week as I try to manage my food budget with perfection.  Knowing I have some weekly points is a buffer that makes me calmer in general with food.

The activity is obviously a good thing.  Saturday had me getting in 5 miles at the MN zoo which was a good step day all around.  That it was done having fun with a friend and my kids is even nicer.  I love workouts that don’t feel like I am working out.

Plus it leads to adorable photo ops… *insert gratuitous photos of my cute kids*

    

Despite my double chin, this may be my new favorite picture of E2 and I, shot by my friend Kris unbeknownst to me.  Motherhood is beautiful even with double chins.

It was a good weekend – I even got a nap on Sunday afternoon!  When life seems extra crazy a simple weekend filled with relaxation is a wonderful thing, and that I can navigate the food of that well is another benefit.  I am hoping Wednesday’s weigh in shows good progress back down the scale!

TGIF

Hi folks.

No excuses but I needed a rest from this space.  I had some anxiety issues and it was triggering food issues, and the thought of updating the blog gave me added anxiety.  Things that added anxiety were not good for me the last few weeks. However, I’ve had several days where I am feeling good and on track and I wanted to update you all.

I did a health assessment for work, the sort of thing you do to earn some extra money back from insurance.  It told me I need to work on weight, exercise and sleep.  Those things are frustrating since 1. It states the obvious. 2. It fails to recognize any chances you’ve already made. 3. It just tells me to get more sleep but doesn’t offer to sleep train my teething toddler for me! (how rude).

Life is rarely black and white.  It isn’t success or failure, but it is a spectrum of pros and cons, progress and retreat.  I am stronger than I was and healthier than I have really ever been as an adult.  I continue to get up every time I fall down.  I learn new things.  I push myself in new directions.

I am learning that some days it is enough to keep on fighting, to keep on trying.  The perfectionist in me wants to only post here when I am cruising on easy street, but that is not real life.  Real life is made up of small choices that add up to a changed lifestyle.

Real life is not getting a real workout in but still finding away to get all your steps for a day.

Real life is going to your kid’s school carnival but not having treats there, even if it means eating dinner on your own after bedtime.  (Mr. Goat got the kids dinner while I volunteered at the carnival).

Real life is full of wonderful possibilities, but it is never easy.  It is however rewarding.

I try to write and be honest with you all here about real life.  It is a way to help me learn and process this journey.  Nothing about this is simple.  For me I struggle with the balance of needed/wanting to lose weight and needing to stay in a place where I love and respect myself regardless of a number on the scale.

I struggle with negative thinking far more than I am comfortable with, particularly when I am not doing well.  I am my own biggest bully.  It is hard to snap out of that thinking and remember how far I have come and how strong I really am.  The blog helps me with that. Maybe it helps you too.

But now the day is almost done and the kids are asleep and as my health assessment reminds me I need more sleep too.  I hope the weekend finds you feeling strong and in control.  If not, you’ve got a friend here.  It isn’t easy, but we can do it.