Welcome!

PriorFatGirl is a community of writers who share their healthiness journey with you, our friends. Currently, posts on the main page are written by Liz who is fighting through her healthiness journey (and winning!) You can read other priorfatgirl journeys by clicking on the “Other priorfatgirl’s” drop down from the top menu.

Through the ups and downs of life, the scale, and emotions, we share our stories as a form of therapy for us, and as a way to help remove stigmas associated with trying to live up to social expectations of being perfect. We will not ever promise to be perfect, but we will promise to share candidly our journeys of learning how to be healthy in an unhealthy world, sugar coating not included.

 

Just one thing.

Want to know a secret?

(Whispers) Sometimes I overthink things and am paralyzed as a result.

I know, SHOCKING.

Still, it is a reality that I struggle against.  And often the more crazy, overwhelming or anxious I become the more I overthink and the less I accomplish.

So today I set out to have one goal for myself – get my step goal of 10,000 steps.

By 8:30 pm when I got E2 down to sleep it was looking bleak.  I was under 5,000 steps, it was hot and humid out still and my son was still up.

For once, I focused on just one thing however.

Dad took over E1’s bedtime and I went out into the heat anyway.  An 45 minutes later or so I arrived home sweaty and with fitbit stats that looked like this.


Today I didn’t have a perfect day, but I made a goal and I met it.  Sometime there is success in just one thing.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I love my birthday, but honestly, for the first time ever I am just not excited about it.

It has little to do with age.  I don’t mind getting older, so I did some thinking about why I am dreading tomorrow.  It comes down to a few things I think.

1. First, I am disappointed with the year that passed.  This time last year I had walked 60 miles with the 3 Day.  I was training for the Disney Half. I was down 100+ lbs.

Then I was injured, dropped out of Disney, fell into a depression, gained weight, was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and some other stuff too that isn’t for the blog.

It was a hard year and if I am being honest I don’t see any signs of a quick turnaround in fortune. I continue to do the work, to fight the fight, but I am pretty downtrodden at the moment.

The other reason I am not looking forward to tomorrow has to do with life and celebration.  Right now I want less in my life.  Fewer things, less weight, less struggle, fewer messes (literally and metaphorically).  

The things I want more of are hard to quantify, much less gift for a birthday.  I want more time with my family and more time for myself. I want more stability.  I want more peace and more joy.  None of these things are found in the aisles of Target.   

I’m sure tomorrow will be fine but overall, I am just not feeling in a celebratory mood.

Mental Health Monday – Know your limits

Welcome to Mental Health Monday!  This was born out of Steph and my session on Depression, Anxiety and Healthy Living from Fitbloggin’ 15.  Every 1st and 3rd Monday one of us will host a link up for others to share their experiences with Mental illness – either from their own experience or from the experience of helping and walking with others.  Our goal is to reach out to the world and let people know that they are not alone in their struggles.  You are never alone.  Join us – link up, visit new blogs, support others.  Speak out:  “I am crazy…CRAZY AWESOME!”  (You are welcome to use the badge below!)

mental-health-monday-linkup-logo

I am on day 9 of a 10 day vacation.  With my own family, and also with a lot of extended family.  At one point 7 adults, 3 kids (2 toddlers) and two dogs were in a beach house for 5 days.  Things were often loud and chaotic.  As an introvert there were times when it was overwhelming.  No matter how much you love your family there are always times when you just want to be….not with them…for a moment.

For me part of honoring self care and paying attention to my mental health is knowing my own limits.  I have to listen to my body and my emotions and my mind and take a step back when it is getting stretched too far.  And I have to do this BEFORE it gets so far that I get stuck needing a moment of solitude when one is not available.  (Bedtime, for example, is bad for this especially.)

Surrounded with so many people I had to be creative about my self-care.  On the one hand there were more people to help watch the kids, but on the other it was hard to find some time alone.  While I had hoped to go on some solo beach walks, that time never panned out.  I did however, head out to the porch when I needed some quiet time and sat for a while.  Sometimes I read my book, sometimes I played a game on the phone, but other times I just sat quietly.

When I was with so many others I realized something acutely:  I don’t ask for what I need.  I am a flexible person – to a fault.  I don’t want to bother, disturb, or complicate matters more than necessary.  If I DO speak up about a need, you’d better realize that it took me 20 minutes of agonizing whether to say anything or not.

I found myself watching some of the family this weekend who was good about saying what they needed at the moment.  Honestly, it always made me uneasy, but I also noticed that in asking for what they needed it gave them the space to manage the crowd and the close quarters well.

Moms, I think, in general struggle to make their needs know – especially with mental health issues or even just mental happiness.  I know I put my kids first most of the time, and even my husband first.  It isn’t about an antiquated system of family gender roles, but rather from an internal need to give more than I receive.

The danger is in doing this too much, and giving away too much of your mental wellness to others.  As an introvert, I need time alone to recharge.  My husband (also an introvert) and I can sit in a room in mostly silence for an hour or two after bedtime – not because we don’t want to be with the other but because we are both recharging.  We know this about each other and it is a time we share.  I know I have a closeness to someone when I can recharge when I am with them.

I also know other things that help me recharge – writing, working out, coloring, reading.  These things fill my tank.  I always have one of these options in my back pocket (in the case of a book often literally).

Sometimes staying well mentally is a matter of knowing what you need and asking for it.  There are times to be flexible and times to be firm about your needs.  You are your own best advocate.