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PriorFatGirl is a community of writers who share their healthiness journey with you, our friends. Currently, posts on the main page are written by Liz who is fighting through her healthiness journey (and winning!) You can read other priorfatgirl journeys by clicking on the “Other priorfatgirl’s” drop down from the top menu.

Through the ups and downs of life, the scale, and emotions, we share our stories as a form of therapy for us, and as a way to help remove stigmas associated with trying to live up to social expectations of being perfect. We will not ever promise to be perfect, but we will promise to share candidly our journeys of learning how to be healthy in an unhealthy world, sugar coating not included.

 

Weigh In Week 28

Remember when I said you can’t control the scale.  Well you can’t, and sometimes it makes me cranky.  I fought to stay on track all week long.  I had a run-in with a stress induced Chinese buffet on Friday, but I tracked it, moved on and earned AP the rest of the week to cover my deficit. I’ve made my step goals for the week, partially because I have been so busy.  Despite LONG hours at church, little sleep and lots of stress, I really really made an effort to keep on track.  And I still gained.

+1.4 Pounds

-68.2 lbs lost on WW to date

Granted it was not a huge gain, but I am annoyed.  Ok more than that, I am pissed.   I tried.  I really really fought against the stress and I tracked diligently.  I logged my activity points, I keep on going even when I wanted to just take a break and eat a gallon of ice cream.  And I was thinking I would go in  and post a solid loss and say “the fight was worth it.”  Now?  Most of me is just mad I didn’t eat the ice cream.

But I know that you can’t really control the scale.  And I know that I could use more veggies, especially when I am busy.  And I know that I’ve been too busy to attend a meeting which helps my mood.  I know all that, but it is frustrating.

There are two more days of VBS to go before life calms down in the short term.  I will need to guard myself about giving up this week in anger and frustration.  The program does work, but sometimes it doesn’t work in the speed I want.

So to quote J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit: 

“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!”

 

On doubt

The days when losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle is hard is most often the days when the rest of life seems hard too.  I have been working on VBS for days (weeks) and just the weekend stands between me and another great week of Vacation Bible School.  Every year at this time I have a freakout – how will I get it all done?!  That freakout leads in turn to doubts about the rest of my life.  The basic “you suck” mix tape in my mind.  Combined with the fact that I am eating a lot of fast food, at odd hours, it is a bad combo.  I managed to have three meals today (only 2 yesterday – one at 10pm), but they all involved food from local establishments.  Yes I tracked them, and yes, I used some weekly points.  Honestly all I really want is a gallon of raspberries or a good salad, but that wasn’t in the cards today.  (Yes #justtrollin people I know I could have prepared with better choices.  I know.)

The fact that those read like excuses just adds to the soundtrack in my mind.  Doubt when allowed to run rampant has a way of snowballing.

When this happens I try take a step back – to read a book for 20 minutes, or to look at all the things I do well.  For example,  I have tracked everything I have eaten.  I am not negative for the week and I have more opportunities for good choices tomorrow.  I did not eat ALL THE PIZZA that I had for my set crews today – opting for a slightly healthier option.  In addition, I am working hard to stay hydrated.  I have my volunteers in place and know that despite several busy days ahead VBS will work out fine.  It always does.  I have been FAR more behind than this some years and it all miraculously comes together.

I am not certain if I have a point or if I am just blogging to clear my head – but if I did have a point for myself it would be “remember the big picture.”  These days will pass.  Vacation Bible School will still happen whether everything is perfect to my eyes.  200+ kids and volunteers will have a fun week.  And in the end I will be able to take a deep breath and say it was fun.  It is always fun.  So I will keep tracking, keep trying, and hopefully keep things in perspective.

I will try to write a new soundtrack for my brain.

What resets your own internal soundtrack when things seem challenging?

Weigh In Week 27

I learned a lesson this week.  Well, I learn lesson’s most weeks but this was a good one for me to (re)learn:  Don’t step on the scale more than once a week.   Some people can weigh in every day and it works for them.  It doesn’t work for me – all it does is make me over-analyze my choices and gives me something dumb (a number on a scale) on which to base my mood.

How did I learn this lesson you ask?

I weighed myself last night.  Now I know my scale at home and the one at WW do not read the same (WW is typically lower), however I wanted to get a sense of how I was doing going into today’s weigh in.  That was a mistake.  Last night on my own scale I was 5-6 lbs HIGHER than I was last Wednesday.  This would have been annoying but tolerable if I had “earned” the weight gain through bad choices and overeating.  Instead, I had worked hard all week to stay on track and within my points.  Even while traveling.  Even while being grouchy about it.

Last night I very nearly took that apparent gain and let it derail me.  I wanted Oreos, or Ice Cream or a bag of chips.  Instead I drank some water and went to bed (too late as always but I didn’t eat at least).

Today I couldn’t weigh in until about 12:30pm since I had a program to run this morning…I went in with trepidation and annoyance.  I did not want to see a gain that was more than likely caused by airplane travel and humidity.  Even if it might not be a “real” gain, I didn’t want to see it.  But the scale surprised me.

-0.4 Pounds

-69.6 lbs Lost to Date on WW

This tells me a few things.  1. Hard work does pay off, even if it isn’t visible at first. 2.  Planes are mean and you need to drink a lot of water during and after you travel. 3. Never weigh in before your weigh in.

I spent last night grouchy and having to stave off unneeded temptations because I assumed that I was going to gain weight based on my own scale.  If I had just kept at it without weighing it, last night would not have been so miserable.

The scale is a tricky thing.  Really, you cannot control it.  You can control your choices.  I made good choices this week and in the end it worked out.  Now I just need to remember this for next time.ww week 27 graph

I am SO close to 70lbs on Weight Watchers.  It is VBS prep week this week and VBS next week so I am running around like a rabid chicken, but I am going to keep on tracking.  When I track, I make better choices, and I lose weight.  So onward and downward I go!

a1088de6d6b6e10e3cbfda4c580533fc47fd42eb6b8e4159ee0827798c26d200Will you track with me this week?